


a night and forever

by calypso_hawthorne



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humor, M/M, literally dont know what else to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 04:00:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9861575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calypso_hawthorne/pseuds/calypso_hawthorne
Summary: Yixing is confused and infatuated. Baekhyun is an insufferable, shameless flirt.ORBaekhyun and Yixing have fun. Mostly at night. :)





	1. reunion

**Author's Note:**

> So contrary to what the title might lead you to think, this series will probably have little to no smut. (At least, that’s what I’m saying now.) It’s basically something I wanted to try. Having scenarios with the same characters take place in mostly the same setting. I want it to be like the corniest, most cliché thing ever (as one can tell by the title.) and it's going to be very self-indulgent (when is anything I write ever not?) Enjoy!

Yixing almost falls over as another body launches itself at him.

"Hyung! You’re back!"

He stumbles in through the doorway to be almost immediately accosted by countless pairs of arms. Greetings come from all around the room. He smiles. The thought that the other members had waited up for him warms him up from the inside.

He falls into the first embrace and looks down to see Baekhyun. Of course. On his other side, Junmyeon has his hand Yixing's shoulder and is reaching to take his luggage. Behind Baek's shoulder, Kyungsoo is visible, standing with Jongin.

Baekhyun, who is still clinging to him (Unsurprisingly. He _is_ one of the touchiest members.) looks up at Yixing, "We missed you so much."

Chanyeol comes over and tries to pry Baekhyun off of Yixing. "Come on, give the man some space to breathe."

Baekhyun whines into Yixing's neck, "Noooo." Addressing Yixing he says, "Don't let him separate me from you."

He chuckles and pats his head. "Okay, okay. Just let me get _into_ the room. And then you can cuddle with me all you want."

Sehun yells from across the room, "Hey, you have to share! You can't have him all to yourself."

Jongdae just shoots him a sympathetic look.

Yixing limps over to the couch with Baekhyun attached to his arm. As he collapses into the seat he notices that Minseok has fallen asleep while waiting up for him.

Everyone settles down. His luggage is transferred to his room. He’s asked if he is hungry and what took him so damn long to get here. He replies that he had eaten on the way from the airport and that his flight had been delayed.

Even though it’s late at night, the other members make an effort to stay awake for a little while and talk to him. It’s the usual conversation: How has he been while he was away from the group? How is it in China? Is he doing okay and taking care of himself? He must get lonely, surely being by himself?

And as always, Yixing is touched by the members’ concern and care for him. But after awhile, the conversation naturally dies out and one by one, the other members get up to go to bed. They greet him goodnight and tell him to get some sleep.

Surprisingly, Yixing is not very tired. _Yet._ He knows the exhaustion will all crash onto him at once.

Sehun is nodding off on the floor, leaning against the couch. Yixing tells him to go to bed. After briefly confirming that Yixing will be alright, Sehun obliges. Pretty soon, it’s just him, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol left.

Baekhyun is still curled into him. Yixing has his arm around the other man. If it were anyone else, their cuddling might have seemed strange, but it’s _Baekhyun._ He’s known for being _very_ physically intimate with all the members.

Actually, _everyone_ in EXO is pretty physically comfortable with everyone else. After all, they _are_ a bunch of attractive, single, twenty-something-year-olds working, living and sleeping together. Sometimes life gets lonely, so they turn to each other for comfort.

Yixing looks to see why it’s fallen so quiet all of a sudden. It so happens that _both_ Chanyeol and Kyungsoo have fallen asleep. Chanyeol has his head cradled in Kyungsoo's lap. Yixing smiles at the sight.

Baekhyun whispers into Yixing's shoulder, "You must get so lonely in China, all by yourself."

It’s as if Baekhyun had read his thoughts.

"Yeah, sometimes," he whispers back. "But I'm always pretty busy and don't have much time to myself to really linger on the loneliness."

Baekhyun sighs and holds him tighter. "You work too hard. And I don't like the thought of you alone out there in a foreign country."

"It's not a foreign country to _me_. It's my home. Korea is where I'm the real outsider."

Shit. As soon as he says that, Yixing cringes on the inside. That had sounded bad.

Baekhyun pulls back. Yixing finds himself suddenly missing the warmth of his body. Baek looks up at him with a surprisingly hurt expression on his face, "An outsider?"

"Oh no." he shakes his head. "I didn't mean it like _that_."

Baekhyun doesn't look convinced.

Yixing puts his hands on the other man’s shoulders, "Listen to me. With EXO—with _you—this_ is where I belong. I _really_ didn't mean it like that.

Baekhyun sighs and deflates, "I know. And I can't even _begin_ to imagine how it must feel to be the only Chinese person in an otherwise Korean group. For god's sake, you're one of the few non-Korean people in a fully Korean _industry_! It only makes sense for you to feel like you don't completely fit in. I shouldn't even be talking. I'm sorry."

Yixing smiles, "Why are you apologizing?"

Baekhyun gets up from the couch pulling Yixing along with him. "Why don't we continue talking in my room? That way we can let these two sleep in peace—" he gestures at Chanyeol and Kyungsoo now curled up together on the sofa. "Also, I think Minseok is sleeping in Jongdae's room, so we'll have my room all to ourselves."

"Okay, sure." he follows him into his room.

Baekhyun flops down on his bed and gestures at Yixing, "Make yourself comfortable."

Yixing sits down on the bed as well and leans against the headboard, facing Baekhyun.

Baekhyun is lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, with his arms crossed behind his head. He says, "You know hyung, I think you're very brave and hardworking to have persevered in the kpop industry. Seriously, you're amazing."

"Thanks, but I'm not the only one who's done it. It's really not that amazing of an achievement."

Baek rolls his eyes, "You're so modest, hyung."

Yixing chuckles, "If you say so."

After this, the conversation dies down and he’s almost dozing off when Baekhyun sits up and faces him. He has a strange look on his face.

"What is it?"

Baekhyun swallows nervously. He’s avoiding Yixing's gaze and is instead looking down at his hands.

He starts talking at a breakneck speed, "I know you probably hear this a lot, but honestly, the group would fall apart without you. We can't afford to lose you too. And it must be such a huge burden on your shoulders. You work _so_ hard but I feel like you don't get appreciated for it. And I know you've promised never to leave us and you always keep your promises but—" Here Baekhyun's voice cracks with emotion.

"Hey, hey," he leans forward and takes Baekhyun's hands in his own. "It's okay. Slow down. Where's all this coming from anyway?"

To his surprise, Baekhyun lets out a short, cynical, forced laugh, "Forget it. It's nothing. I'm just being stupid again."

"It's definitely _not_ nothing." Yixing leans forward. "Baekhyun, look at me. You can tell me anything."

Baekhyun finally meets his gaze. Yixing feels a stab of pain go through his heart. Baekhyun's eyelashes are wet with tears and his cheeks are tear stained. He looks desperate.

Without a second thought, Yixing pulls Baekhyun into his arms and holds him tightly. He whispers vehemently, "Tell me what's wrong. Otherwise I can't do anything to help you."

Baekhyun takes a shaky breath, "It's just. God, I'm being dramatic. But sometimes I wonder maybe—maybe if I had treated them differently, they wouldn't have left?"

Yixing knows exactly who Baekhyun is talking about.

The other man continues in a trembling voice, "Maybe if I had been nicer to them. To Tao. Not teased him as much. Looked out for him more—I don't know. Maybe I was part of why they left. It's my fault. Maybe if I hadn't been such a shit—" Baekhyun lets out a choked sob.

He holds him tighter, "Listen to me Baekhyun. _None_ of what happened is your fault. Kris, Luhan, and Tao left because of other reasons. You know that. They know that. Everything from their health to their contracts caused them to leave but _never_ , _ever_ were _you_ their reason for leaving. You teasing Tao was just the way you showed him affection. It was harmless. That's the way you treat _everyone_ you're close to. And the people who are close to you love you for who you are. If anyone says that _you_ were the reason Tao left, then they have _no_ _idea_ what you're like. You loved Tao and he knew it."

"But what if he didn't? And now, I'm afraid I'll do something to drive you away too. I'm just so scared that you'll realize that I'm not worth it and leave. I mean, I know deep down, that you would never do that to us and that my thoughts don't even make _sense_. But sometimes I can't help myself. I can't stop myself from thinking these thoughts. My mind goes round and round in circles. And I can't stand the thought of you leaving. I _need_ you hyung and I don't think I ever tell you how much I do. I don't know—" Baekhyun's voice breaks again. He starts shaking. His body racks with soundless, heart-wrenching sobs.  

The sound of the pain in Baekhyun's voice makes Yixing's heart ache. He’s always known that the other man is not always as carefree and happy as he leads everyone to believe, but has Baekhyun been carrying all this pain and self-loathing and hatred for so long? Yixing blames himself for not being around enough to have noticed.

Yixing just holds Baekhyun close and whispers soothing words of comfort to him, "You couldn't _possibly_ ever do anything to drive me away. I promise, I'm _never_ going to leave you. I need you just as much as you need me."

He can do nothing more but hold Baekhyun tightly and listen to him cry helplessly.

After a while, Baekhyun starts to calm down but Yixing doesn’t let go of him even when the sobs stop. They sit there in silence until Baekhyun says hoarsely, "I'm sorry."

"Shhh." he kisses the top of Baekhyun's head, "Don't you dare apologize."

Baekhyun lets out a weak chuckle, "I've probably made your shirt all wet with my tears."

"It doesn't matter. You're all that matters."

"You're probably beating yourself up on the inside now."

Yixing pulls back a little, surprised, and looks into Baekhyun's tear stained face. Baekhyun gives him a grim smile. "You have this way of blaming yourself when anyone else in the group is hurt. You take all this weight onto your shoulders. Seriously, none of this is your fault."

Baekhyun is right. At this very moment, Yixing _is_ mentally berating himself for not taking better care of his teammates. For not being there.

He sighs. Baekhyun gives him a knowing look, "I'm right, aren't I? You're always so worried about everyone else that you forget to take care of yourself."

"Someone has to worry about you guys, otherwise who will?"

Baekhyun shakes his head, but he had a small, fond smile on his face.

"Baekhyun, remember you're the laughter and light of this group. You bring the joy to all of our lives. We can't have you being down," Yixing says.

"Sometimes the happiest boys are the ones that are secretly the saddest on the inside."

The way Baekhyun says that, with a sad, wry smile on his face, sends a pang through Yixing's heart. He wishes that he can always be there to protect the younger boy, no matter what.

Baekhyun pulls away from him and gets under the covers. He looks up at Yixing, "Can you sleep here with me tonight hyung?" He pats the space on the bed next to him, "There's more than enough space for you."

Yixing knows, no matter how hard he tries, he isn't going to be able to resist those puppy dog eyes. He sighs. "Fine."

Even though he’s putting up a reluctant front, he’s secretly pleased that Baekhyun wanted him to spend the night.

Yixing gets up and takes off his shirt and pants so that he’s left in his boxers. He doesn’t miss the way Baekhyun's eyes rake appreciatively over his bare body. He pretends not to notice.

As soon as the lights are off and he slips under the covers, Baekhyun gravitates towards him and curls into Yixing. He wraps his arms around the other man’s torso and delights in his warmth.

Yixing reaches up and tentatively starts stroking Baekhyun’s silky, soft hair. He closes his eyes and revels in the feeling of the smaller boy’s body pressed against his. He feels sleep coming to him, easier than it normally ever would.

The last thing he hears before drifting off is Baekhyun's sweet voice whisper into the darkness (more to himself, than anybody else):

_"You're always so busy protecting everyone else. Who's going to protect you?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow. I'm surprised that first scene turned out so angsty. And a lot longer than I expected. I didn't mean for it to be like that. It was something I'd written a while ago and I just decided for it to be their first night. I promise from here on out it'll be all fluff and crack. No more angst. Keep an eye out for the next update! Comments and kudos appreciated. <3


	2. metanioa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun always wins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really happy with how this chapter turned out but eh. Hope you guys like it!

Yixing glances up from his work at the knock on his door.

"Come in."

Slowly his partially open door swings open and Baekhyun stands there in shorts and a t-shirt, seeming hesitant. He’s clutching a pillow to his chest, almost as if for protection. After a moment of silence where Yixing just looks at him pointedly with eyebrows raised, Baekhyun seems to come to a decision.

"I'm sleeping in your room tonight," he announces.

"You are?"

"Yes. Tonight and every night that I feel like it."

"And you came to this decision all by yourself without asking me?"

"Yes hyung. Whether you like it or not, I'm sleeping with you."

Yixing has to hide his smile. Baekhyun's conviction is amusing and slightly adorable.

"Okay," Yixing says slowly. "What about Jongdae and Minseok though? Have you got that all figured out too?"

Baekhyun smiles at this, proud of himself, "Of course. Jongdae will be moving and sleeping in my room with Minseok for now. They'll both like it better this way anyway, if you know what I mean." He winks cheekily at his hyung.

Yixing rolls his eyes but is impressed nonetheless. When Baekhyun puts his mind to something, he’ll get it, no matter what.

"Okay then. If you have it all figured out, then I guess you're welcome to sleep here." Yixing shrugs and turns back to his paper where he’s composing some lyrics for a new song.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Baekhyun positively beam and skip gaily into the room.

The younger boy catches his eye and smirks. Yixing looks away and pretends not to notice anything. An overused tactic of his, he is willing to admit.

Yixing tries his best to immerse himself in his work and pay no attention to the other man. _It’s just so damn hard._ It’s like his brain keeps telling him to focus solely on Baekhyun. Baekhyun and nothing else.

He’s so caught up in trying _not_ to pay attention to Baekhyun that he almost doesn’t even notice when his bed dips under the weight of the other boy.

"Wha—what are you doing?"

"Sleeping next to you, of course. What else did you think I came here to do?" Baekhyun is looking at him like he’s an idiot.

"I thought you… dammit—aren't you sleeping in Jongdae’s bed?" Yixing gestures at the bed across from his own on the opposite side of the room.

"Of course not. What would be the point of that? That would just defeat the purpose of everything!"

Yixing sighs and runs a hand over his face, "What _is_ your purpose for sleeping here with me, again? I don't think I remember you giving me any reasonable explanation. In fact, I don't remember any explanation _at all._ "

"I came here because I want to spend time with _you,_ hyung. I mean, come on, we obviously don't get to be together very often—Not that it's your fault!" Baekhyun adds hastily. He knows Yixing feels guilty about not being able to spend as much time in Korea as he wishes.

He continues, "I know none of it is any of your doing. And you're doing so much for EXO in China. I just meant to say that, _I miss you_ , hyung. Even when we're together, we're not really _together_. We're just so busy. And—well—this is my way of trying to spend quality time with you."

Yixing has to admit, he’s touched. He feels a surge of affection for the younger boy.

"So hyung, please, _please_ let me stay here with you," Baekhyun gives him his signature pout.

The cheeky little bastard. He _knows_ Yixing is weak. He _knows_ he won't be able to resist.

He sighs in resignation, "Okay, okay fine. But I still don't understand why that entails you having to sleep in the same _bed_ as me."

"That's because I want to. You're just gonna have to deal with it, hyung," Baekhyun flashes him one of his blinding smiles.

Yixing just sighs again and decides not to pursue an argument. He never wins against Baekhyun anyway. He goes back to his writing while the younger boy gets comfortable beside him.

After about five minutes, Baekhyun has settled down and is just staring up at Yixing with an annoying smile on his face.

"Go to sleep."

"Mmm." Baekhyun pays his words no heed and just continues staring up at him with wide eyes from where he is lying.

Yixing tries. He really _tries_ to concentrate. But how the hell is he supposed to pay attention to his work with those goddamn distracting eyes on him?

"Go to sleep, will you?"

"Only when you do."

"But who knows when that'll be!" Yixing replies, exasperatedly.

"Exactly. You need to sleep more, hyung. You're always telling us to sleep well and take care of our health. You need to follow your own advice and do the same."

"Don't waste your time worrying about me Baekhyun. I _will_ sleep. Right after I finish these lyrics. You mustn't worry."

Baekhyun's expression has darkened and changed to something Yixing can't quite read. "I'm going to worry about you no matter what. Just as you worry about us. So please, sleep. It's been almost five days since you came back and not _once_ have I seen you get a proper night's sleep. I know we’re idols. But we’re human too. _Sleep._ For my sake."

He sighs for what he thinks must be the third time that night. Baekhyun seems to have that sort of effect on him.

"Well—when you put it that way—fine, I guess."

Baekhyun smiles at him as though Yixing has just agreed to buy him the world. "Thank you, hyung."

Biting his lip, Yixing puts his stuff away and turns off the lights. He slips into his bed and literally only has to wait like two seconds before Baekhyun finds his rightful place: curled up around him.

In the dark, Baekhyun lays his head on Yixing's chest. His places one of his beautiful hands over Yixing's beating heart. He has a thing for those hands. They’re a work of art. Just as is the rest of Baekhyun.

"Don't you usually sleep in only your boxers?"

"Is that how you want me? Only in my boxers?" Yixing replies cheekily.

"Actually I think I'd prefer you fully naked."

Baekhyun always wins.

After deciding not to grace that with a reply, Yixing takes Baekhyun's other hand in his own. He relishes the feeling of the other boy’s slender fingers entwined in his. Even their hands fit perfectly together.

Bringing it up to his lips, he presses a soft kiss against the back of Baekhyun's hand.

"Thank you."

Yixing can see Baekhyun's surprised expression, even in the dark.

"What for?"

Kissing his hand again reverently, he replies, "Mmmm… for just being you. For being so utterly perfect. And for being here. With me."

After a quiet moment, Baekhyun lets out a soft sigh, "You do my ego wonders, hyung."

Yixing chuckles quietly, "Don't let it get to your head."

Baekhyun just pulls him closer and presses a quick kiss to his cheek, "I love you too, hyung." Then he buries his face shyly in Yixing's neck and refuses to meet his gaze.

His neck is usually sensitive as hell but he’s willing to bear the uncomfortableness for Baekhyun. And besides, it’s somehow not as bad when it’s the younger boy.

Softly chuckling at Baekhyun's uncharacteristic bashfulness, Yixing contentedly closes his eyes and lets himself drift into sleep’s welcoming arms.

He dreams of Baekhyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's starting! I'm warning y'all. It's probably just gonna be a lot of cuddling and weird conversations from here on out. I honestly think the only reason I'm writing this is because I just wanna see more baekxing cuddles. Anyway, I'll hopefully be back soon with another update! Comments and kudos are appreciated. <3


	3. forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If only the night could last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The credit for this wonderful idea (of baking cookies at midnight) goes to young_grasshopper (on aff). Thank you! <3

Yixing started awake. He had been on the verge of dozing off but all of a sudden, he felt a falling sensation. His stomach dropped and he jolted awake. He looked up at the ceiling in confusion. The room was dark. Something was off.

Then it struck him. The other side of the bed was cold. Baekhyun's familiar body wasn't lying next to him. They'd been sleeping together for almost a week now and Yixing had to admit he'd gotten used to it and looked forward to their shared nights together.

_ Where was he? _

All sorts of thoughts drifted through Yixing's mind. Maybe Baekhyun had decided he didn't like to sleeping next to him? Maybe he thought Yixing didn't want him? Anxiety filled the older man's stomach.

After a couple minutes, it became evident that Yixing wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep anytime soon. He decided to get up. He threw on a sweater over his boxers and ventured out into the hallway.

There was light and faint clattering coming from the kitchen.  _ Someone else was awake. _

Yixing padded down the hall to the kitchen and came across a sight that brought a smile to his lips.

Baekhyun's back was to him.  His hair was tousled and sticking up in every direction possible. He was wearing one of  _ Yixing's _ sweaters that was slightly too big on his smaller frame. He looked so  _ warm _ like this. So soft. He looked like…  _ home _ . Yixing knew that in Baekhyun's arms, he would always be welcome. That was one thing that he was absolutely certain of.

He snuck up behind the younger boy. He got right behind him and pounced forward to grab him by the waist in a back hug.

Startled, Baekhyun jumped in his arms and let out a squeal that was muffled by Yixing's hand over his mouth. The older man had expected that.

Removing his hand, Yixing leaned in and whispered in his ear, "What are you doing Baekhyun?"

"You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Yixing just chuckled softly and nuzzled his cheek against the younger boy's and pulled him in closer.

Baekhyun sighed dramatically and even though Yixing couldn't see his face, he was pretty sure he had rolled his eyes too but had a grudging smile on nevertheless.

"If you must know, I'm baking cookies," Baekhyun said.

"Baking cookies? At this time of night?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"When I was younger and I was stressed out or couldn't sleep or anything… my grandmother, she would call me over and we would bake cookies together," Baekhyun explained in a wistful tone. "It always helped. And- I don't know -I couldn't sleep and I just missed her and- well -warm chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven always remind me of her."

Yixing knew that all the members had their own ways of dealing with stress and pressure and anxiety and sadness and all a manner of other problems that came from living the life of an idol. Their own escapes. Minseok hyung would clean. Jongin would dance. Chanyeol would compose. Sehun would play with Vivi.

"Well I think that's absolutely wonderful. Honestly, your grandma sounds like the coolest person ever," Yixing murmured quietly, arms still around Baekhyun.

"One day I hope to introduce you to her. I know she would like you."

"I've always wanted to meet her. The person who brought you up. I want to thank her.

"For?"

"For raising you. I want to meet the people who shaped you into the person you are today. I want to visit your hometown and see the place you grew up in," Yixing replied.

"One day I'll take you. And you obviously have to take me to China and do the same."

Yixing hummed in agreement and pressed a kiss to Baekhyun's cheek.

"Now teach me how to make your chocolate chip cookies."

Baekhyun directed Yixing to go wash his hands and once he was done, he turned around and leaned against the sink.

"What now?"

"Come here."

"Gladly."

He walked over and joined Baekhyun at the counter where he was mixing the cookie dough.

"You mix it with your hands?"

"My hands are clean! And it's more fun this way. We're gonna use our hands to make the little ball thingys anyway."

Yixing chuckled, "Okay… if you say so."

"I do say so," Baekhyun dipped his hands into the dough and started kneading it with his hands. Yixing just stood there and watched him unhelpfully with a fond expression on his face.

Looking up at him exasperatedly, Baekhyun huffed, "Are you going to do something or are you just going I stand there being useless?"

"I'm going to do something," Yixing also put his hands into the mixture, picked up some of the dough onto his finger and smeared it onto Baekhyun's nose.

Slapping his hand away, Baekhyun shrieked.

Yixing doubled over in laughter. He simultaneously tried to shush the younger boy's indignant cries.

"Shhh… you might wake the others."

Baekhyun ignored his warnings, "How  _ could _ you?!"

"I- I couldn't help it," Yixing managed to say breathlessly in between his laughter.

Baekhyun just scrunched his button-like nose up at him with the smear of cookie dough on it now.

"Don't worry, you look cute."

"I always do."

Yixing tilted his head in agreement, "I can't argue with that."

Baekhyun playfully slapped him on the arm, "Now you naughty boy, help me make the ball thingys."

"Is that really what they're called?"

"No idea. I'm pretty sure they have a more official name but I can't remember it for the life of me."

So they got to work. A comfortable, companionable  silence descended between the two while the rolled the dough and shaped them into little balls to place on the foil.

After a couple minutes, Yixing noticed Baekhyun eyeing him discreetly. He had that  _ look _ in his eyes. Yixing was wary.

And sure enough, the second he wasn't paying attention, Baekhyun took a large glob of dough and smeared it straight onto Yixing's cheek.

"Yah Baekhyun-ah!"

It was Baekhyun's turn to laugh brightly at the other's dismay.

"Don't worry. You look cute," Baekhyun said, mimicking Yixing. "Now your dimple is  _ literally _ sweet."

Rolling his eyes, Yixing shook his head. He had a smile on his face nevertheless, "You're so corny."

Baekhyun smiled at him cheekily, "You love it."

Yixing decided not to grace that with a reply.

By the time the two were done with shaping the cookies, they were both covered with dough all over their heads and faces and clutching their stomachs from laughing too hard.

"As long as you don't get it in my hair, I'll try to refrain from doing anything to you," Baekhyun wheezed out.

Yixing couldn't even manage to get out a reply. He couldn't remember the last time he had laughed this hard. It was painful. But it felt good.

If he was completely honest, none of this was  _ that _ funny. It was just something about Baekhyun- being with him and just being absolutely carefree and not having to think about what anyone might say if they saw them -it was just so  _ freeing _ .

Yixing felt  _ happy _ .

Genuine happiness was something that came in small, unexpected packages. When he received thoughtful letters from his fans. When his members sent him late-night texts from across the globe.

And now- spending time with Baekhyun. Doing something so simple as baking cookies. He felt a sense of contentment.

After both had calmed down a bit, Yixing said, "Do you think the others can hear us?"

"Probably."

"Kyungsoo's going to kill us tomorrow."

"Probably."

They laughed even harder.

"Ok, ok. So I preheated the oven from before. All we have to do now is out them in and wait for twenty minutes," Baekhyun finally said.

So Yixing picked up the rack of cookies while Baekhyun opened the oven door. He watched while the younger boy slid the rack in, closed the door, and set the timer.

 

\-  _ Baekhyun's POV _ -

 

When he was finished, Baekhyun turned back to him and and leaned against the counter, satisfied, "What do we do now?"

"Well hopefully wash off all this dough first?"

"Oh. True," Baekhyun cracked up again.

The two made their way over to the kitchen sink. Baekhyun thrust his hands under the running water and started washing off the sticky dough. Yixing joined their hands under the water. He grabbed Baekhyun's hand in his own and started rubbing the dough off himself.

The younger boy looked up at him and smiled fondly at the look of intense concentration on Yixing's face. His eyebrows were furrowed. Tongue slightly sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he scrubbed gently at Baekhyun's hands. Baekhyun felt a sudden surge of affection for him.

His hyung would always take care of him.

After his hands were washed clean, Baekhyun gently pried them from Yixing's grasp and rubbed at the dough sticking to his face. There was a particularly stubborn spot right over the older man's cheek. Baekhyun frowned and leaned in closer but lost his balance and almost fell on top of Yixing.

Yixing caught him by the arm and held him there. Their faces were just inches away from each other. Baekhyun felt himself holding his breath. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Yixing's plump, utterly kissable lips.

After a couple seconds that felt like an eternity, Yixing righted Baekhyun and pulled away. They both started laughing again. But this time, their laughter was weak and slightly nervous. All of a sudden there was some unexplainable, underlying tension in the air.

"Try not to kill me Baekhyun," Yixing said.

"I won't. Not before I get a kiss out of you anyway," Baekhyun replied. It was a typical, flirty, Baekhyun-esque answer. But both men knew it wasn't just casual flirting. It went deeper than that.

"I guess you're never going to get a kiss from me, then," Yixing smiled.

Baekhyun just pouted at him.

They went back to washing off the dough and the dishes they had used to make the cookies. It was slow going. Yixing kept flicking water in his face. Baekhyun would squeal and splash him back. By the time they- and the kitchen and dishes -were cleaned, they were half soaked.

Baekhyun checked the timer. Five more minutes.

While they were waiting, Yixing unexpectedly asked, "By the way, where did you get my sweater?"

"Your room- well -technically  _ our _ room. Why?"

"No reason. Just wondering why you're wearing my sweater," Yixing smiled.

Baekhyun wrapped his arms around himself. "I like wearing your stuff. It feels like… kinda like you have your arms wrapped around me even when you're not with me. It smells like you and- I don't know," he shrugged. "I just like it. Do you not want me to wear them?"

Yixing quickly shook his head, "No no. Please wear them. I like it when you do." The older man winked at him.

Baekhyun could feel blush rising on his cheeks. He quickly looked away.

The beeping of the oven timer saved him.

"Oh look! The cookies are done," Baekhyun exclaimed a little too loudly.

He went over to the oven and opened the door while Yixing grabbed towels to hold the hot rack.

"Ooh they look delicious!"

"Let me," Yixing said when Baekhyun reached forward for the towels.

Yixing reached forward into the oven, grabbed the rack and lifted it up slightly then slid it out. While finessing it out, his hand slightly brushed against the side of the oven and he jolted slightly but didn't let go of the rack.

Baekhyun noticed and reached forward but couldn't do anything until Yixing had placed the rack of cookies on the counter.

Right after Yixing turned around, Baekhyun pounced on him.

"You burned your hand," he said, concerned.

The other man waved him away, "It's no big deal. It's not that bad."

Baekhyun ignored him and grabbed his hand too look at it. There was an angry red mark near Yixing's knuckles. Baekhyun winced. It would hurt a lot later.

"Come here." Baekhyun dragged him over to the sink and placed his hand under running, cold water.

Yixing sighed in relief, "Oh that feels good."

"You idiot. Why did you have to take out the rack yourself?" Baekhyun admonished him.

"I was afraid that  _ you _ would get hurt."

Baekhyun stared at him in disbelief for a couple seconds, then sighed and leaned his head against Yixing's shoulder while holding his hand under the running water. They stood there for a minute or two before Yixing gently pulled away.

"I'm okay. Seriously. It doesn't hurt."

Baekhyun looked up at him, eyebrows raised, "Don't lie."

"Fine fine. It doesn't hurt as much as it did."

Baekhyun looked at the burn with a strange feeling coursing through his veins. He brought the hand up to his lips and gently kissed and blew on it.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Whatever for?"

"That you got hurt."

"Baekhyun it's just a small burn. Like I said- no big deal."

"Still. I don't like seeing you hurt."

Yixing looked at him with a dark expression in his eyes before pulling him in for a tight hug.

Baekhyun closed his eyes and let him be surrounded- enveloped -in the older man's arms.

Let himself enjoy the feeling of being utterly drowned in Yixing. His scent. His body. His touch.

_ Just this once. _

Baekhyun mentally scoffed and shook his head at himself. Who was he kidding? He loved- and would continue to love -Yixing's embraces and touches a bit too much.

And you know what? The truth was that  _ he didn't care _ . He didn't care that what this was- what  _ they _ were -was probably dangerous and considered disgusting and fucked up and-

His thoughts were interrupted by Yixing whispering in his ear, "Now let's eat your delicious cookies."

" _ Our _ delicious cookies," Baekhyun corrected him.

"Our delicious cookies," Yixing agreed.

Baekhyun piled the warm, gooey cookies onto a plate. Grabbed it in one hand and Yixing by the other and dragged him to the door.

Stumbling behind him in surprise, the other man stuttered, "Wh- where are we going Baekhyun?"

Looking behind him, Baekhyun shot him a sly smile, "The roof."

Yixing opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, seemed to think better about about it and wordlessly followed Baekhyun out the door.

Baekhyun led Yixing up the stairs of their apartment complex. Higher and higher. Past all the levels with any apartments on them. They stopped at a door at the end of the stairwell and he pushed it open. A gust of cool air breeze in and swept across their faces.

He pulled Yixing out onto the roof with him. There was a moment of silence between the two in which the only sound that could be heard were the honks of passing cars beneath them on the always-busy streets of Seoul.

Baekhyun turned to Yixing and studied the look of awe that had transformed the older man's features. Yixing's eyes were filled with wonder, mouth agape as he took in the breathtaking view spanning out before them.

"This- this is beautiful Baekhyunnie," Yixing breathed out.

Baekhyun realized that he still had a grip on Yixing's hand. He didn't let go.

"I know."

"How long have you…?"

"I discovered this place awhile back. I had a fight with Junmyeon hyung about something. Can't remember what or why. Just that it was my fault. I wanted to get away for a bit but I couldn't leave the dorms. So I wandered around and stumbled across this door to what I now call: my own private heaven."

"Do you come here often?"

Baekhyun nodded, "Yeah. When… when you're away, I've spent many a night up here. Looking out and wondering if maybe- just maybe -you were thinking about me too." His heart hurt just thinking about those nights when the ache became too great for him. When he missed Yixing just a bit too much.

"Oh Baekhyun," Yixing said with a small, sad smile on his face. He pulled the younger boy closer to his side. "Of course I miss you. I miss everyone. But  _ especially _ you. There- there's something special."

Baekhyun heard the words even though Yixing didn't say them aloud: There's something special.  _ Between us _ .

Yixing continued, "I miss you and the way you're always there to hold me and help me and support me. You cheer me up and make me feel better and- well -I've never been very good with words. It's worse when I'm trying to explain myself in Korean. But just know that I miss you so much and I long to be with you all the time. To have you at my side."

Baekhyun felt like crying.  _ What was it about Yixing that always made him feel like crying? _

Instead he plastered on a bright smile and said, "We should probably eat these cookies while they're still warm."

Yixing hummed in agreement.

Both made their way over to the edge of the roof and sat with their legs hanging over the side, the plate of cookies between them.

As they looked out over the city streets, Yixing asked, "I thought you were afraid of heights. Doesn't this make you uncomfortable?"

"Well yeah. I am. But there's something about this place that feels safe. It's kind of cut off from the rest of the world, you know? It's like nothing can harm me here. The height strangely doesn't seem to affect me."

Baekhyun reached for his first cookie and handed one to Yixing. They both bit into their cookies at the same time. Yixing positively  _ moaned _ . Baekhyun tried not to replay the sound in his head.

"Baekhyun-ah, this is delicious!"

Chewing, Baekhyun nodded in agreement, "We should bake cookies together more often. They taste exactly like my grandma's."

Yixing beamed at him.

Between the both of them, they managed to finish all the cookies in record time.

"Well there go my abs," Yixing said jokingly.

"Who are you kidding hyung. No matter what you do, you don't lose your abs. You don't have to worry about anything. And you'd still look sexy as hell without them."

Yixing chuckled, "Thanks Baekhyun. If only the fans thought the same way as you…"

"The  _ real _ fans would love you regardless. With or without your abs, you're perfect," Baekhyun replied vehemently.

Yixing pushed the empty plate of cookies aside and moved closer to the younger man. Baekhyun was hyper aware of the little space between them. How he would only have to move a few centimeters and they would be touching…

Yixing took his hand in his own and laced their fingers together.

"Baekhyun-ah your hands are so pretty. All of you is pretty. I'm always astonished by how utterly beautiful you are," Yixing sighed in awe.

Baekhyun bit his lip. His cheeks colored at Yixing's words. The other man was always telling him how beautiful he was, but Baekhyun thought that  _ Yixing _ was the most beautiful man- no - _ person _ on Earth. He'd never met anyone who could warm his insides with just a smile. Whose touch caused electricity to course through his veins. Yixing was  _ ethereal _ .

The moonlight was casting a glow over Yixing's features. Baekhyun couldn't look away. He was stunning. His heart beat faster as Yixing smiled at him and reached out.

"You have a bit of chocolate here," he rubbed at the side of Baekhyun's mouth.

"There. It's gone." Yixing said in satisfaction.

But he didn't remove his hand. Instead, he moved to cup the side of Baekhyun's face. He gently caressed the curve of his cheek with his thumb. Baekhyun held his breath and couldn't tear his eyes away from Yixing's intense gaze.

All too soon, Yixing seemed to come to his senses and dropped his hand. He looked away.

Baekhyun's heart started beating again. But he felt cold. Empty.

He felt as if he'd lost something precious.

After a minute of sitting in silence like that, Baekhyun hesitantly lay his head on Yixing's shoulder and by reflex, the older man curled a hand around his waist and pulled him closer. Yixing affectionately kissed the top of Baekhyun's head and leaned his head against it.

If only the night could last forever.

Baekhyun knew that he would always have Yixing even if he could never  _ have _ him.

And so they sat there, tangled up like the complicated web that they were. Maybe in another life they could've been together. Maybe they could've been happy. But for now, Baekhyun was content with what he had: Yixing by his side. That was enough for him.

They sat there. Both drowning in their own feelings. Feelings they would not acknowledge now. Now- and maybe never.

They sat there. Under the moonlight, high above the city. 

They sat there- hopelessly in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think it’s kinda obvious that Baekhyun is more straight-up with his feelings. On the other hand, Yixing is just an oblivious little fool. Adorable, yes. But still an idiot when it comes to his feelings.   
> Also my amazing friend Amoon ended up giving me a bunch of little tidbits of ideas for this chapter so a big virtual hug and kiss to you! Thx bby :3  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated! <3


	4. waldosia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun just wants to be there for Yixing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back with another chapter! It’s not amazing but yeah… Enjoy!

Baekhyun hated seeing Yixing hurt.

He felt a sense of helplessness when he saw his hyung in pain and couldn't do anything to aid him.

Occasionally, Yixing's waist and back injury would act up and no matter how hard the older man tried to hide it, the pain would still be visible on his face.

Tonight was one of those nights.

Throughout EXO's whole performance, Baekhyun kept a worried eye on Yixing. The dancer was wincing and pushing through but Baekhyun _knew_ he was in unimaginable agony.

Baekhyun didn't get a chance to talk to him alone backstage. He didn't even get to _see_ him. They were driven home in separate vans.

The moment they reached their dorms, the first thing Baekhyun did was go on a hunt to find his hyung. He was obviously more hurt than he let on. He never let anyone help him. _What if something had happened?_

Kyungsoo noticed his distress. He stopped Baekhyun with a hand on his arm, "He's okay."

Baekhyun looked at him blank expression

"Yixing hyung—he's okay. I promise. He's not going anywhere. He'll be waiting for you by the time you're done taking a shower."

Baekhyun sighed. Relief washed over him. He was still worried but not as much as he had been moments earlier. He looked gratefully at the younger man.

"Thank y—"

Kyungsoo shook his head, "Don’t thank me. Now go take that shower. You stink. Quick. Before someone else takes over the bathroom."

After shooting Kyungsoo one last grateful smile, Baekhyun went to take his shower.

 

-

 

By the time he came out, the dorms were quiet. Baekhyun supposed that most everyone had gone to their respective shared bedrooms to get in a couple hours of relaxing before the next day of work.

He came out of the bathroom, drying his hair. After grabbing a sweater to protect from the slight chill, he padded down the hallway.

Jongdae was sitting in the living room by himself. Feet up on the couch with a cup of tea in hand.

"He's in the kitchen."

Baekhyun looked at him, slightly confused, "What?"

"Yixing hyung—he's in the kitchen."

"How did y—"

"You're obviously looking for him. Who else would you be out here for?" Jongdae replied with a knowing, suggestive grin on his face.

Baekhyun just stared at him. It was too late at night for this.

"Okay… Thanks."

Jongdae took another sip from his mug, "Anytime. Now go. Yixing hyung's probably waiting for you." He winked at Baekhyun.

Shaking his head, Baekhyun made his way into the kitchen.

Minseok was at the stove making tea. _That explained the tea Jongdae had been drinking._

Yixing was sitting at the table, drinking from a hot cup of tea himself. He looked up at Baekhyun with weary eyes. He seemed… tired. But he still smiled at the younger boy.

Sehun was standing behind Yixing—attempting to massage his shoulders.

It looked more painful than anything else.

Minseok glanced back as Baekhyun padded into the kitchen, "Oh you're here Baekhyun. Would you like a cup of tea too?"

"No I'm good, hyung. Thanks."

Sehun glanced up from where he was torturing Yixing. "Oh look who's here hyung," he whispered conspiratorially to Yixing—loud enough for everyone in the kitchen to hear. "Your namchin."

Baekhyun cursed himself mentally for blushing.

"He's not my namchin Sehun. Stop being ridiculous!" Baekhyun quickly retorted, flustered, before Yixing could say anything.

Yixing just smiled into his tea.

Minseok—who still had his back to the other three—coughed to cover up his laugh.

"Yeah, yeah. Sure whatever," Sehun rolled his eyes and shot Baekhyun an infuriatingly smug smile.

"Anyway, get away from Yixing hyung. What are you doing to him? Poor soul," Baekhyun said.

Sehun gasped. Overdramatic and indignant. "How could you say that? I'm _massaging_ him."

"Looks more like torture to me."

Sehun leaned down to nuzzle his head into Yixing's shoulder. "Tell him hyung! Don't let him hurt your baby like this," he pouted. He looked back at Baekhyun accusingly.

Yixing smiled and patted Sehun lovingly on the head, "It's okay Sehunnie. Don't worry."

Sehun shot Baekhyun a triumphant glance.

(He made sure to rub Yixing's affection for him in Baekhyun's face every chance he got. But Yixing was affectionate with all the members. Sehun knew other boy couldn't help but get a tiny bit jealous. Not that Baekhyun would ever admit it.)

Baekhyun sighed, defeated.

"Weren't you saying you were _my_ baby like a week ago?" Baekhyun asked. "Such a betrayer."

"I can be _both_ your babies. When you and Yixing hyung get married, you can adopt me," Sehun replied with an innocent look on his face that wasn't fooling anyone.

Minseok almost choked.

Yixing just continued to smile pleasantly, not seeming at all put out.

Sehun looked at Yixing, "That would be nice, right hyung? You can be my daddies."

"I'd love to be your daddy Sehunnie."

Minseok finally gave in and burst out laughing.

Baekhyun looked up to the heavens and prayed to whatever god might be up there. _Please save me from my members._

Sehun flopped down into a chair next to Yixing and rested his head on his arms.

"So I've been meaning to ask you for awhile now, why are you sleeping with Yixing hyung in his _bed_?"

Before Baekhyun could reply, Jongdae yelled in a reply from the living room, "That's not something for the maknae's ears! You're supposed to be innocent Sehun. You can't let the hyungs corrupt you!"

The little shit had been listening.

Sehun scoffed and rolled his eyes, "I'm not innocent and you know it. If you two are screwing, you can tell me. I'm your baby, remember?"

Baekhyun sputtered and turned tomato red. Yixing finally seemed affected and buried his face in his hands. Minseok doubled over in laughter.

"S- Sehun!—"

Sehun got up from his seat and stretched his arms above his head nonchalantly, pretending to be oblivious to his hyungs' distress. "Well I'll be getting to bed now," he yawned. "You two have fun," he said, winking at Baekhyun and Yixing.

And with that—their devil of a maknae walked out, leaving Baekhyun's sputtering protests in his wake.

A moment after Sehun's departure, Minseok turned and looked at Yixing and Baekhyun with a completely straight face, as if nothing had just happened, "I think I'll be going too."

Yixing looked up at him, "Thank you for the tea, hyung. It really helped me wind down a bit and relax my muscles."

"Anytime," Minseok replied with a smile.

Looking at Baekhyun, Minseok said seriously, "Take care of him."

Slightly taken aback but gravely, Baekhyun replied with a nod, "Of course."

Minseok seemed content with that  he yawned too. "Okay. Don't stay up too late, both of you. We have a long day tomorrow."

_When did they_ not _have a long day?_

After Yixing and Baekhyun assured their hyung that they would, indeed, try to get some sleep, Minseok walked past him with an encouraging pat on Baekhyun's shoulder.

Baekhyun looked back at him with a confused expression in his face.

Minseok glanced at Yixing—who was checking something on his phone—before leaning in and whispering in Baekhyun's ear, "He's more hurt than he's letting on. Don't let him fool you. I'm trusting you to take care of him."

With that, he left too.

They were finally alone.

This is what Baekhyun had been yearning for. This time between him and Yixing. Alone. Finally.

Yixing looked up at him from his phone and smiled.

Taking a deep breath, Baekhyun went over to stand behind Yixing. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around the older man. Rested his cheek against Yixing's- who relaxed into his embrace.

They just stood there like that—each comforting in the other's warmth—before Baekhyun shattered the silence.

"How's your back and waist, hyung?"

Yixing tilted his head back to look up at Baekhyun, "I'm okay Baekhyun-ah. You don't have to worry about me."

Baekhyun ignored him and continued, "I know it hurts. You can't do this. You need to let others help you. Let _me_ help you."

Sighing resignedly, Yixing replied, "It _is_ acting up a bit. Nothing to worry about, like I said."

"Get up."

"Huh?" Yixing looked at him confused.

"You're coming with me. Get up."

Baekhyun had decided it was time to take matters into his own hands.

Still staring at him with a signature, Yixing-style, confused expression on his face, the older man slowly got up from his chair. He winced at the sudden pain in his back but tried to hide it from Baekhyun to no avail.

Baekhyun had the eyes of an eagle when it came to Yixing.

"I told you! You _are_ hurt."

Yixing sighed. Again.

Baekhyun quickly grabbed his now-empty mug of tea and deposited in the kitchen sink before taking Yixing by the hand and slowly leading him out into the hall—being careful not to pull too hard and hurt him.

Jongdae was still sitting out in the living room. He smirked when he saw the duo and raised his eyebrows at Baekhyun and Yixing's entwined hands.

Doing his best to ignore Jongdae, Baekhyun quickly led Yixing past him and into their bedroom.

"Enjoy yourselves!" Jongdae yelled after them.

Baekhyun dared not look back at Yixing's expression.

After he had their bedroom door closed—and locked—he turned to Yixing who was standing awkwardly by the bed.

The older man raised his eyebrows, "You locked the door? You never do. I'm scared now."

Baekhyun ignored him. "Shirt off," he commanded.

Yixing's jaw dropped. He just gaped at the younger boy, "B- Baekhyun wh—"

Cutting him off, Baekhyun repeated, "Take off your shirt, hyung."

To his surprise, Yixing didn't try to question him again and moved to slip his shirt off-

"Wait!"

Yixing froze and looked at the younger boy questioningly.

"I don't want you to strain something even more. Let me do it."

Baekhyun walked over and slipped his fingers under the hem of Yixing's t-shirt. The feeling of the other man's smooth, bare skin against his hands was burning into him.

He slowly slid his palms up Yixing's bare sides, slipping the shirt up. He could feel the other man's gaze burning into him. Baekhyun refused to meet his eyes.

"Can you lift your arms?"

"I can try." Yixing's voice came out sounding slightly… hoarse? Maybe Baekhyun was just imagining things. It was probably his proximity to Yixing that was making him think crazy thoughts. Yes- that was it.

Gingerly, Yixing raised his arms and Baekhyun quickly pulled the shirt off.

Yixing's body was intimidating. It was fucking _perfect_. It took Baekhyun's breath away.

He finally dared to look up at Yixing. The other man was biting his lip and staring at Baekhyun with a dark, unidentifiable look in his eyes.

Baekhyun couldn't breathe. Couldn't tear his eyes away from Yixing's trapping gaze.

_Yixing was going to be the death of him. And he loved it._

Baekhyun tore his eyes away from Yixing's. He gave himself a mental slap. _Remember what you're here for._

With all the self-control he could muster, Baekhyun pulled away from Yixing.

"On the bed."

Yixing looked utterly astounded again. "What?" he replied with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"I want you on the bed. Now," Baekhyun repeated firmly.

And Yixing—Yixing the little shit— _smiled_ at him. "So demanding. You're always so demanding Baekhyunnie. _I like it_ ," he said with an infuriatingly cocky grin on his infuriatingly perfect face.

It was Baekhyun's turn to gape at him.

Yixing sat down on the bed. "How do you want me, Baekhyun-ah?" He asked in a silky tone that sent shivers up the younger's spine.

"Lie on your front."

Taking care of his waist, Yixing stretched out on the sheets on his stomach. The muscles in his back rippled and flexed—not that Baekhyun noticed.

The younger boy walked over and sat on the bed, beside Yixing. The bed dipped under his weight as he positioned himself. He moved to straddle Yixing's legs, making sure not to put too much weight on any part of the other man's body.

He could feel Yixing's strong, firm legs beneath him. _Dancer's legs_ . And those fucking _thighs_. Goddamn.

Doing his best to get his horny self under control, Baekhyun leaned forward and pressed his fingers into the tense muscles of Yixing's lower back.

He massaged him thoroughly. Working his way through every portion of Yixing's strained back. While working out a particularly tense knot, Yixing _groaned_ and _fuck_ —Baekhyun cursed mentally.

Yixing's skin burned hot everywhere Baekhyun's beautiful fingers touched him. He was in heaven.

A comfortable silence descended between the two. Despite the tension, Baekhyun was strangely at ease. Yixing melted under his touch and let out small sighs and moans that filled up the quiet room and Baekhyun wished he could devour.

After a while, Baekhyun sighed, "Why do you do this to yourself hyung?"

Yixing hummed from underneath him, "You know why."

That was true. He _did_ know. It was just the type of person Yixing was. He _had_ to be the best he could be. Even if that meant harm would come to his own body. Baekhyun's heart ached just thinking about it.

"But _why_ ? Why do _this_ ? I still can't believe what you did to yourself during our trainee years. _For fuck's sake Yixing_ . You tied fucking _sandbags_ to your body and danced until you would collapse. Until you couldn't move from that point. You did that every day. For _two years_ . And now—you refuse to rest and let your body heal. You insist on performing and—I don't know. You're harming your body and you know it. It's causing permanent damage. You can't go on like this. You say you don't regret it. And I honestly believe you don't. But please. For the sake of those who care about you—for _my_ sake—try to take better care of yourself," Baekhyun pleaded.

It was Yixing's turn to sigh, "I have to make sacrifices in order to do what I do. And if that requires me to give up my body, then so be it."

Baekhyun felt like crying, "But what about the rest of us? What are we supposed to do while we watch you slowly destroy yourself? You're being so selfish!" His breath came out in ragged gasps.

He froze. What he had just said, sunk in. Yixing had gone quiet. Baekhyun couldn't see his expression.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry hyung. Fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's just—"

Yixing cut him off, "Baekhyun-ah. It okay. I know that you care about me and that's your genuine concern. But I can take care of myself. I don't want you to worry."

"I said this before. I'm going to worry no matter what. So at least let _me_ take care of you when I can."

Yixing reached behind him and grabbed Baekhyun's hand. He pulled his arm closer so that Baekhyun was stretched out and leaning over the dancer's body. He brought Baekhyun's fingers to his lips and kissed them lightly. The younger boy sucked in a sharp breath of surprise at the sudden change in dynamics.

"Baekhyun-ah, what have I done to deserve you?" Yixing sighed wistfully.

"You—you deserve so much more," Baekhyun replied in a slightly trembling voice.

Yixing—who was still lying on his stomach, face pressed into the mattress—shook his head. He touched Baekhyun's thigh, gently motioning to the younger boy that he wished to get up. Baekhyun quickly moved off of Yixing's legs and helped the other man get up and quickly moved away a soon as physically possible. His face was burning and he felt as though he was going to combust.

Yixing reached out and his fingers gently brushed the side of Baekhyun's face tenderly. "Hey. You've given me an absolutely amazing massage. Seriously. Thank you so much Baekhyunnie. I feel a hundred times better than before. We should do this more often," he said with an adorable, genuine smile.

Baekhyun blushed a deeper shade of scarlet—if that was even possible.

"It—it was my pleasure hyung," Baekhyun stammered.

Fuck. Why was he being so awkward? He was _Byun Baekhyun_. The sassiest, flirty-est, most confident man in all of Korea.

Yixing just smiled even brighter, "Where did you even learn to give a massage like that?"

"Well… actually I had googled it. Specifically for someone with a case like yours."

" _Baekhyun_ ," Yixing looked at him with a tenderness in his eyes that he reserved only for the younger boy. "I'm—I don't know what to say. I'm so touched. You specifically did this for _me_? Thank you so much. You work wonders with those pretty hands of yours."

Baekhyun ducked his head shyly, "It was nothing hyung. I want you to come to me whenever you need a massage from now on, okay?"

"Of course. A massage and anything else," Yixing chuckled.

Glancing up at the older man, Baekhyun caught a darker look in the depths of his eyes, behind the humor.

"Now come on, let's get to bed. It's really late," Yixing said.

Baekhyun watched as the dancer slipped out of his pants and was left standing before him in only his boxers—his gorgeous, chiseled body on full display. He gulped nervously.

Yixing smoothly slid under the covers and beckoned Baekhyun to join him.

Baekhyun went over to a corner of the room, took of his pants but through on a t-shirt over his boxers. He didn't think he could bear to feel his naked skin touching against Yixing's so intimately. Not tonight.

Turning off the lights, he got under the covers beside Yixing. Immediately, the older boy pulled him closer and Baekhyun rested his head on his customary place—on Yixing's chest, underneath his chin -breath hot against the dancer's beautiful collarbones.

"That massage seriously was awesome," Yixing whispered into the darkness after a few minutes.

"I'm pretty sure I enjoyed it just as much as you did," Baekhyun chuckled.

_Probably even more than you did_ , he thought to himself.

After a couple more minutes where Baekhyun was positive Yixing could feel his heart racing beneath his chest, the other man broke the silence again.

"Don't you usually sleep uhh…naked?" Yixing asked.

Baekhyun snorted, "I'm not going to sleep naked. Not when I'm in bed with _you_."

Yixing looked down at him naïvely, "What do you mean? We're both men anyway. What does it matter?"

Baekhyun just laughed even harder, "You really are an innocent little sheep."

Yixing's expression changed completely in a split second. His pupils grew larger, his eyes darker. He smirked, "Oh no. Quite the contrary, my Baekhyunnie."

Baekhyun prayed to the gods above to help him. This man was going to kill him.

Yixing kissed the top of his head and went back to contently resting his chin on it. Baekhyun lazily traced patterns on Yixing's chest.

Baekhyun could only hope that he would be there to support Yixing through whatever hardships might be thrown in his path. He vowed to protect Yixing. Just as his hyung protected him.

No matter what the future held for them, they were together now. That's all that mattered. They were happy.

Baekhyun was unwilling to think about what tomorrow might bring. But with Yixing by his side, he could face anything. They could overcome any obstacle. They made each other stronger.

They completed each other.

Baekhyun closed his eyes and let himself drift to sleep in Yixing's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I recently watched a video where Yixing talks about how as a trainee, he used to tie sandbags to his body and dance for hours until he couldn’t take the pain anymore. Until he collapsed. It was all to improve his dancing. He thought he wasn’t good enough so he was willing to push his body to dangerous limits. That’s what caused his injury. He did it for years. I was absolutely horrified.  
> Here’s a link to the video if you want to see him talk about it: https://goo.gl/Se567w  
> There’s so much I want to say on this subject but I’m going to leave it up to you to think about it.  
> Thanks again for reading. Comments and kudos are appreciated! <3


	5. xinteng

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 心疼  
> /xinteng/
> 
> noun  
> 1\. heart ache
> 
> 2\. sadness and pain that comes from witnessing and sharing the pain of people you love

Baekhyun couldn't sleep. He'd been tossing and turning for about an hour now. He just couldn't seem to force his body to relax; his mind to calm down.

_Who was he kidding?_

The real reason he couldn't sleep was because Yixing wasn't here with him.

Sighing, Baekhyun rolled over onto his stomach and smothered his face into his pillow. This was bad. Both Yixing and him were becoming too dependent on each other. It had come to a point where one couldn't even  _sleep_ peacefully without the other.

Ah who cared? Honestly, Baekhyun didn't give a fuck. So what? Let them depend on each other. On good days, Yixing's touch, his words, his smile were a source of constant encouragement. On bad days, they were the only thing that kept him going.

Sighing again, Baekhyun turned and reached for his phone on the nightstand. Unlocking it, he texted Yixing:

 

**Baek**

_Hyung where r u???_

 

Five minutes later, Yixing replied. Baekhyun quickly grabbed his phone to check his response as soon as he heard the notification. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't been waiting eagerly for a reply.

 

**Yixing**

_At the practice rooms. Why?_

 

Baekhyun sighed at his screen. Yixing was out practicing when he should've been sleeping. Again.

 

**Baek**

_When u gonna be finished?_

 

**Yixing**

_Umm... not for at least an hour and a half._

 

Baekhyun sighed again.

 

**Baek**

_K I'm coming over then_

 

**Yixing**

_No no. You don't need to come! Baek you should sleep..._

 

Baekhyun ignored Yixing's protests. Shutting off his phone, he rolled out of bed. After throwing on a pair of pants and a t-shirt he grabbed his keys and left the bedroom.

On his way to the door leading out of the apartment, he ran into Kyungsoo in the living room. The younger boy was bending over Chanyeol whose long body was stretched out on the couch. Baekhyun smiled at Kyungsoo's attempts to shake Chanyeol awake, to no avail.

At the sound of Baekhyun's footsteps, Kyungsoo turned and caught his eye.

The younger boy sighed, "He just fell asleep here."

Baekhyun chuckled, "I'm sure you can wake him up if you try enough. If not, you can just cuddle up with him on the couch to keep him warm." He winked at Kyungsoo for emphasis.

Kyungsoo just rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation. He changed the subject. "So where are  _you_ going at this hour, hyung?" he asked in a cheeky voice.

Baekhyun bit his lip. That little bastard.

"Well―uh... the practice rooms."

"You would never go to practice this late at night hyung," Kyungsoo scoffed. " _Not by yourself._ "

Baekhyun didn't reply.

Kyungsoo winked at him.

"Don't mock me!"

"You asked for it," Kyungsoo retorted. "So... Yixing hyung huh?"

When Baekhyun didn't say anything, the younger boy continued, "I'd advise you to make a move on him soon. He isn't going to be single and free forever."

Baekhyun mentally cursed his pale skin and his tendency to blush.  _So. Fucking. Easily._

"Shut up Kyungsoo-yah. I have no idea what you're talking about."

Kyungsoo just cynically raised one, perfectly shaped eyebrow at him.

_How did he even do that?_

Baekhyun rolled his eyes and decided it was too late at night to deal with his dongsaeng's shit. He blew a kiss at Kyungsoo and winked, "Good luck with Chanyeol."

Then he turned and left as quickly as he could before he was accosted with more uncomfortable statements on his relationship with Yixing.

He caught a last glimpse of a sleepy Chanyeol grabbing Kyungsoo by the waist and pulling him onto the sofa with him. Baekhyun had to stop himself from laughing at the sight of the giant cuddling into a flustered Kyungsoo from behind and engulfing the petite man in his arms.

Oh he was  _definitely_ going to save this as ammunition for later.

 

-

 

In SM Entertainment's building, Baekhyun made his way to Yixing's usual practice room where he would go when he wanted to be alone.

Over here, one never knew who one might bump into at any hour of the day―or night.  _All of us idols are pretty fucked up, aren't we?_ Baekhyun thought bitterly to himself. Many idols would spend the dark hours of the night here practicing their problems away. It probably wasn't a very healthy coping mechanism. But whatever.

The building seemed to be a popular spot for romantic trysts. He'd come across many of his fellow SM artists in various states of comprising and scandalous positions. He could never forget that one time he walked in on Jonghyun and Taemin "practicing"...

Of course, those were secrets they'd all take to the grave.

Shaking the distracting thoughts out of his head, Baekhyun found himself in from of the door to the practice room. Sure enough, the loud thump of music could be heard faintly out in the hall.

He didn't bother knocking. Yixing wouldn't be able to hear him over the noise.

He pushed open the door and was greeted with the heavenly sight of Yixing dancing to an alluring beat. The older man was so focused on the task at hand that he didn't even notice Baekhyun's entry.

Baekhyun crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, deciding to take full advantage of this opportunity. He always loved watching Yixing dance. Baekhyun could never figure out how his hyung could make it look so easy. Yixing painted pictures with his body. He could pull you in so that you didn't dare look away. The way his muscles rippled. His intense gaze. Utter concentration. The way he put every part of his being into perfection his movements. The fluid grace. It was hypnotizing.  _Mesmerizing._

Yixing finally noticed the other man's presence. He met Baekhyun's eyes in the mirror but didn't falter in his dancing. A flicker of shock passed through his features but it was gone as soon as it appeared.

Baekhyun just smirked and continued to watch Yixing with an appraising look in his eyes. There was almost something of a challenge in his gaze.

_Surprise me._

Yixing never backed down from a challenge.

The dancer stripped off his black tank top that was sticking to his body and threw it aside.

His glorious beauty was on display for all to see. For  _Baekhyun_.

Yixing rippled his body sinfully in time with the music. The gaze in his eyes had turned dark. Pupils widened. As he stared down Baekhyun, in the mirror he bit his lip and  _smirked_.

Baekhyun's breath caught in his throat.

Yixing could be almost as shameless as Baekhyun when he wanted to be.

Baekhyun had to fight down the urge to walk across the room and grab Yixing right then and there. To pull him close and kiss him fiercely. Like he was drowning. To touch his bare body with his hands. To capture that plump, delicious lip between his own teeth and bite it. To suck marks onto his smooth skin and never let him go.

As Baekhyun watched him dance, utterly mesmerized, he caught himself licking his lips.  _Fuck_. He was going to have a raging boner at this rate that even  _he_ wouldn't be able to hide.

Luckily, the song ended just as Baekhyun was about to give in and beg Yixing to stop. To plead for mercy. Yixing would've liked that.

As the music faded, Yixing turned to face him, breathing heavily but nowhere near as out of breath as anyone else would be.

Baekhyun just stared at him wordlessly for a moment before gasping out, slightly breathlessly, "Well.  _That_ was quite something wasn't it?" He smiled weakly.

Yixing just chuckled. His chuckles soon turned into all out laughter and Baekhyun found himself giggling along. Laughing as if nothing had happened. As if Yixing just hadn't put on the most sexually frustrated show of the century for him. As if Baekhyun hadn't been on the brink of begging Yixing to just let go and fuck him.

After a minute, Baekhyun walked over and plopped down onto a bench by the side of the room. Yixing followed suit and sat down beside him after drinking some water, toweling himself off and unfortunately thankfully putting his shirt back on.

"I thought I told you that there was no need to come?"

"Yeah but I wanted to," Baekhyun replied stubbornly.

Yixing rolled his eyes but smiles fondly at him nevertheless.

"Why though?"

"If you must know, I can't sleep without you. And I know you've been having the same problem too. Don't lie."

Yixing opened his mouth as if to protest, closed it, repeated the action then just nodded in defeat. He knew when Baekhyun was right.

Baekhyun reached out and grabbed Yixing's slender but strong wrist in his hand. "So come back home with me? Come to bed?" he asked in a small, questioning voice.

Sighing, Yixing pulled his wrist away, albeit reluctantly. "I will. But I think I need some more practice. There's just this one part that―"

Baekhyun cut him off, "Why do you feel the need to push yourself like this? You'll practice better in the morning anyway. Come back with me for now. You need sleep. I'm pretty sure half your problems can be put down to lack of sleep."

"I just need to do this. I can't disappoint―"

"Is that what this is? Do you think you're a disappointment?" Baekhyun asked sharply.

Yixing looked away and bit his lip.

"Is that what you're so afraid of? Of disappointing the fans? Of disappointing us?"

Yixing sighed again, "It's just―well I know how a lot of fans feel about me. I know that I'm not here when I should be. I'm not with you. It's―I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you all. I can't even be with you guys at performances and the fans hate me. I should  _be_  with you. Working alongside you. Every time I see the problems I'm causing on social media and stuff―"

Yixing stuttered and his voice quivered. He was speaking at a breakneck speed now, voice breathless.

Baekhyun felt his stomach drop. His breath was trapped in his chest. He felt like a deer caught in the headlights.

Yixing was still avoiding his gaze. Looking at anything but Baekhyun.

Yixing continued, "I'm so, so sorry. I  _am_ a disappointment. I'm trying my best but it's not  _enough_. I should be working harder. I've let you all down. I said I would never leave you. I  _promised_. And I meant it. I keep my word. But―even the fans don't want me anymore. Maybe it would be better for everyone if I...I don't know―" He stopped suddenly and sucked in a large breath and choked on a sob.

The feeling of dread and helplessness in the pit of Baekhyun's stomach increased. He felt like crying himself. He could do nothing but reach for Yixing and pull him close. Hold him. Anchor him as he finally let go and sobbed brokenly, face hidden in Baekhyun's shirt.

Baekhyun soothingly ran his hands through Yixing's hair and stroked his back. He felt like his heart was physically tearing with every sob the older man let out.

After what seemed like a painful, torturous eternity Yixing's shuddering, body-wracking sobs faded down to something closer to more subdued sniffling. After a minute or two more, Yixing made an attempt to move away. Baekhyun refused to let go.

When Yixing finally met Baekhyun's gaze, there was a broken, desperate look in his teary eyes. It broke Baekhyun's heart.

Baekhyun was angry. At himself. At the "fans". At the world. No one as precious as his Yixing deserved to be hurt in this way.

Finally, Baekhyun took his Yixing's hands in his own and glanced down at them. Yixing had pianist's hands.

Looking away from his hands, Baekhyun gazed intensely into Yixing's eyes. The older man tried to look away.

"Hyung, look at me," Baekhyun grabbed his chin and forced Yixing to meet his gaze.

"Listen to me. You have  _no_ reason to be disappointed in yourself. Why do you always put yourself down?"

Yixing just looked blankly at him, his face still tear-stained. Baekhyun sighed. He knew what the dancer what like. Yixing rarely ever believed anyone's praise and just thought they were being nice if someone complimented him.

Baekhyun continued, "First of all, the real fans know that you do your best to be with us. You try your hardest.  _None of it is your fault._  You have no control over any of this and they know it.  _We_  know it. We would never blame you for anything so why do you blame yourself? You deserve everything and so much more. You work so. Fucking. Hard. All of us work hard but like Chanyeol said, you work the hardest hyung. I know you're going to disagree and say that that's wrong. You're just too nice. There'll always be haters. I say,  _fuck em_. Who cares what they think? You have so many fans that absolutely adore and love you. You have countless more fans than anything else. And―and we know you would never leave us. If you did, that would be the end of EXO. We  _need_  you. You hold us together. We couldn't go on without you. And I―I just think you're absolutely amazing, hyung," Baekhyun finished fervently. (He was slightly breathless.) Trying to put all that he felt into his words. To show Yixing that he wholeheartedly meant each and every word he said.

At the end of his passionate speech, Yixing looked bashfully away. A slight blush colored his cheeks at Baekhyun's praise.

Baekhyun thought it was absolutely  _adorable_.

"Th―thank you Baekhyun-ah. But honestly, I don't deserve all that praise―"

_"Yes you do,"_ Baekhyun said in an almost angry tone. "You deserve all that and so much more."

"Well thank you," Yixing blushed even harder.

Baekhyun was so far gone. He found the older man's blushing so fucking  _endearing_.

"Don't thank me. It was all true."

"I'm sorry about―"

"Don't apologize," Baekhyun cut him off firmly. "You've held me and taken care of me countless times before, don't you remember? At least let me do the same for you. I want to take care of you, hyung."

Yixing rewarded him with a watery smile and that was progress.

"Well, I'm sorry I probably made your shirt all wet by crying all over you."

Baekhyun chuckled softly, "Just an excuse for me to take off my shirt for you. Anyway, I don't want you thinking all those terrible thoughts okay? Anytime your brain tries to betray you remember how much we need you."

Yixing nodded weakly, seeming a little overwhelmed at Baekhyun's fierceness.

Baekhyun pulled the older man into his embrace again and pressed a kiss to his temple.

"We should probably be getting back to the dorms."

"Mmm. Just let me hold you for a little while longer."

Yixing chuckled softly, "We can do that in bed too."

"Okay true. That  _is_  an offer too inviting to pass up."

Baekhyun reluctantly pulled away and got up from the bench. He held out a hand to Yixing.

The other man looked at his outstretched hand and then up at Baekhyun. After a moment, he grabbed it and Baekhyun pulled him up.

Baekhyun vowed to always be there to hold him up. Just as Yixing would be there for him.

 

-

 

Back in bed, Baekhyun sighed contently into Yixing's hair. He never wanted to let go of him. Ever. Yixing was curled into him. Baekhyun held onto him protectively.

Yixing was always the one taking care of everyone else. Of Baekhyun. It felt good to be the one taking care of  _him_ for once.

The older man nuzzled his face into Baekhyun's collarbone. Baekhyun delighted in the feel of Yixing's body pressed against his. It never got old.

"And Yixing?" Baekhyun whispered into the dark.

"Hmm?"

"I need you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is so late. I just got really caught up with life and I'll probably be super busy over the next couple of weeks so please excuse me if I don't post as regularly.  
> On the title change, I just felt like this new one was more appropriate. It'll probably always be Baekxing's Midnight Adventures for me deep down haha but I feel like the new title more effectively epitomizes the story. What do you think?  
> Of course, thanks for reading as usual. Comments and kudos are appreciated! <3


	6. intoxicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alcohol and Baekhyun don't really mix well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry that this update is so, so late. I have a bucketload of excuses but I'll leave those for after the chapter. Enjoy!
> 
> (Also I might have decided to change the tense for this story. I'm sorry. This sort of thing bothers me to no end, and here I am doing it. I just couldn't write this chapter in any other tense besides present. (I didn't even realize I was writing in present tense until I was halfway through lol). I'm sooooorry. Forgive me.)
> 
> (And I wrote (and edited) the entirety of this chapter in under 24 hours (while still going to school and all that shit) so I apologize if it's kinda, totally terrible :)

Yixing jolts awake and almost falls out of his chair when he's startled by the front door slamming open. Getting his bearings, he glances blearily at the clock and gathers that it is way too late at night (late enough for it to be considered morning) for fucking _doors_ to be slamming open and waking up the whole goddamn house.

It strikes him that maybe he should be worried. What if it's like... a robber or something? Or maybe a crazed fan–out to strangle them in their beds in the middle of the night?

But really he's just frustrated because he was in the middle of a really _good_ dream. Something involving Baekhyun and those pretty fingers of his (and some whip cream)…

Shaking off the last traces of sleep, he realizes that there are some strange noises emanating from the front hallway. It sounds a bit like a cross between a drunk three-legged monster stumbling about and someone getting painfully choked between Natasha Romanoff's glorious thighs.

Not that he notices her thighs.

Okay, okay. Fine. But who _isn't_ ~~extremely~~ slightly attracted to Scarlett Johansson?

And of course, thinking about thighs, ultimately leads him to fantasize about Baekhyun's perfect, delicious ones that he might or might not daydream about biting…

Coming out of his reverie, he finally realizes that the sounds of mortal pain and discomfort drifting down the hallway belong to familiar voices. Junmyeon hyung and Baekhyun's to be exact.

What the hell did they get themselves into _this time_?

Sighing, Yixing extracts himself from the uncomfortable position in which he had fallen asleep in on his chair and makes his way outside to face whatever catastrophe awaits him.

‘Drunk three-legged monster stumbling about’ hadn't been so off after all.

Baekhyun is _intoxicated_. He's filthy drunk. Yixing can tell just by looking at him. He's the type of intoxicated when people do crazy things like dressing up in chicken costumes and howling at the moon while eating honey straight from the jar with their hands―not that Yixing has any experience with that of course―and don't remember any of what they did or why they did it the next day.

And Junmyeon is there. Gallantly doing his best to extricate Baekhyun from around his neck and remove the younger's shoes at the same time. Looking up, he spots Yixing and a look of relief transforms his face and he sends out a silent cry for help.

"Yixing," he croaks, because currently Baekhyun's elbow is jabbing into his neck in such a way that it looks dangerously close to cutting off Junmyeon's air supply.  "Please― _help me_."

After suppressing a hysterical laugh that is bubbling up in his chest, Yixing rushes forward to the rescue and grabs a flailing-about-Baekhyun by the waist and struggles to pull him off Junmyeon.

" _Nooooo_. I want Yixing," Baekhyun moans.

Yixing sends a questioning look over the top of his head towards Junmyeon, who just shrugs as if to say _don't ask me_.

"C'mon baby, it's me. We have to get you out of those shoes and into bed," Yixing says.

Baekhyun immediately perks up and peeks out from where his face is hidden in Junmyeon's neck. He beams and giggles drunkenly, "Hyung? Hyung! I found you!" (Except that he's slurring so much it sounds more like _hyunifounyou_.)

Yixing grasps him firmly and steers him over to a chair in which Baekhyun plops down.

He reeks of alcohol.

"Yes. You found me."

"Be? Rberight? I onlwannasleepyerbe." ( _Bed? Your bed right? I only wanna sleep in your bed.)_

Yixing sighs, "Yes. _My_ bed. But I _swear_ , if you throw up in it…"

He leans down to pull off Baekhyun's shoes and glances up at Junmyeon who's watching them with crossed arms. A strange look seems to pass over his face before Yixing beckons him over to help carry Baekhyun to his bedroom.

Baekhyun seems to be singing some song but it sounds like completely nonsense until Yixing realizes he's singing _Lose Control—_ or trying to, anyway. In Chinese, no less. He doesn't know what to make of that.

" _Looooose controoooool_. Hyung you make me wanna loooose controoool."

Junmyeon tries unsuccessfully to cover up his laugh and Yixing shoots a glare at him before returning his attention to Baekhyun.

Once in the bedroom, Yixing let's go of Baekhyun for a moment to retrieve his pajamas and as soon he starts walking away, Baekhyun begins sloppily stripping off his clothes. _All_ of them.

"Baekhyun! You can't―what―no!"

Junmyeon is being absolutely no help. He's just leaning against the wall and laughing like an idiot.

Yixing rushes back over with the pajamas in hand just as Baekhyun is about to remove his boxers.

"Baekhyun―no. Put these on."

Baekhyun spins around and almost falls over. Yixing has to put an arm out to steady him.

Baekhyun pouts, "No! I don't wanna!"

"You have to."

"I don't have to do anything!"

Yixing sighs, defeated, and runs a weary hand over his face.

Baekhyun just _has_ to torture him, doesn't he?

"Fine. But at least keep your boxers on."

Baekhyun beams again and oh god―how is Yixing ever going to be able to resist that smile?

The younger boy throws himself into Yixing's arms. He staggers back with the force and almost falls over when Baekhyun plants a huge, sloppy kiss on his cheek. Except it's not really on his cheek. Baekhyun had been aiming for his cheek but in his drunkenness, it lands half on Yixing's mouth.

"Thank you, hyung! I love you, you know that?"

Yixing stares at him open-mouthed, in shock but Baekhyun doesn't even realize there is anything amiss.

Junmyeon notices though. Of course he does. He raises an eyebrow at Yixing's rising blush but doesn't comment.

He notices Baekhyuntugging insistently on his arm, trying to get his attention. Yixing turns back to him.

" _Yixinggggg_. Do you love me too?" Baekhyun whines.

Yixing's stomach clenches. This isn't right.

Baekhyun pouts that adorable pout of his again, "Tell me you love me, hyung. You love me, right?"

Yixing sighs and pushes down the painful feeling in his chest that is threatening to overflow, "Of course I love you Baekhyunnie. How could you even think otherwise?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he catches Junmyeon gazing at him sadly. He gives Yixing a grim smile.

Baekhyun giggles happily again and Yixing has to spend the next minute coercing him into bed.

He finally manages to get Baekhyun under the covers with promises of making him pancakes the next morning and a kiss to the forehead.

"Okay, now just lie here Baek. I'll be right back. I have to go talk to Junmyeon hyung."

"Don't leave me," Baekhyun whimpers softly.

It sends a pang through Yixing's heart.

"I promise, baby. I promise I'll be right back. I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?"

"Yes. And just like you said―I always keep my promises," Yixing replies firmly and leaves the room with Junmyeon after pressing one last kiss to Baekhyun's forehead.

Shutting the door softly behind him, he rounds on Junmyeon the moment they are alone.

"What the _hell_ happened?" Yixing whispers angrily. He'd managed to keep his composure this whole time but now they were out of earshot of Baekhyun. He needs to know what caused Baekhyun to feel the need to go and get drunk like this. What―or _who_ ―has hurt his Baekhyunnie?

Junmyeon holds his up hands in surrender and takes a step back, "Don't get mad at me. Honestly. I have no idea. I was literally just about to go to sleep when I got a call from him. To be honest, I think he dialed me by accident and wasn't even planning on coming home tonight. It was obvious at once that he went and got shitfaced and was drunk as hell. With some coaxing, I got the name of the bar he was at, out of him, and went and dragged him away from like his fiftieth shot."

"If someone had seen him and recognized him, we could have all gotten in trouble. He―he could've gotten hurt! Anything could've happened to him and we― _I_ ―wouldn't be there to help him and―"

All the adrenaline drains out of Yixing in a rush and he slumps against the wall.

Junmyeon moves forward and puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder, "But he's okay, Yixing. He's fine. It's okay. He's not hurt."

He pulls Yixing into a comforting embrace and Yixing leans against him, comforting in his warmth.

Junmyeon murmurs into Yixing's hair, "Don't blame yourself. I know you're going to try to make this somehow your fault, but it's _not_. Don’t worry about what _could’ve_ occurred. Nothing happened and he's home safe. Don't worry."

"But _why_? Why, hyung? Why did he go and get drunk? He's not irresponsible like this. He knows what could happen and that we can't afford to―it could ruin him. And he _knows_ he's not good at holding his alcohol at all. So why?"

"I don't _know_ , Yixing," Junmyeon replies with a hint of despair tinging his voice.

For the first time that evening, Yixing thinks about how Junmyeon must feel. He's the leader. He also has the same terrible habit as Yixing of taking responsibility for everything that happens. He places these huge burdens on himself. He blames himself.

"Hyung, it's not _your_ fault either," Yixing tells him.

"I know. And don't you dare tell yourself that it's _yours_. Okay Yixing? I can't have you thinking things like that. I need you all to be happy and―fuck Yixing―can't you see how much he loves you?"

Yixing pulls away from Junmyeon and studies his hyung's expression in surprise.

"Wh―what do you mean?" he asks, even though deep down, he knows exactly what Junmyeon is talking about.

"You know what I mean," is all Junmyeon says in reply. He has that same sad look on his face that he had in the bedroom. "I just want you both to be happy, okay?"

"Umm...?"

Junmyeon just sighs and shakes his head, "Anyway, he's going to have a hell of a hangover when he wakes up tomorrow. I know you'll take good care of him but make sure he doesn't throw up on the carpet, okay? We just got it replaced."

"Okay. Thank you, hyung. For making sure he got home safe," Yixing gives him a grateful smile.

Junmyeon looks at him wistfully when he replies, "I would do the same for any of you. You're my friends. My family. My _brothers_."

He claps Yixing encouragingly on the shoulder, "Good luck with Baekhyun." And with that he leaves Yixing by himself, pondering over the hidden meaning behind their conversation.

 

-

 

Yixing re-enters the bedroom to find Baekhyun sprawled on the bed with the covers thrown off. His eyes are closed and he seems to be breathing tranquilly.

He takes a moment to appreciate how _peaceful_ Baekhyun looks in this moment. He also looks younger. Softer somehow. Innocent.

An urge to protect him, wells up in Yixing. He wishes he can shelter Baekhyun from the world but all of them have been through too much to ever go back to being what they once were. Now all they really have is each other.

Baekhyun stirs, "Are you coming to bed or are you just going to stand there all night appreciating my beauty?"

Yixing smiles, "That actually doesn't sound like such a bad idea."

Baekhyun chuckles and covers his eyes with his arm, "I'm still drunk but I can already feel the beginnings of a terrible headache."

"Serves you right for going and getting drunk like that. How much did you drink anyway?" Yixing asks as he slips into his pajamas.

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

"I thought you'd be asleep by now."

Baekhyun removes his hand from his eyes and looks at Yixing. "You and I both know that I can't sleep without you," he says matter-of-factly.

"You know, it's a relief to know I'm not the only one. I was beginning to think I had some sort of problem when I realized I just couldn't seem to fall asleep when you weren't there," Yixing replies.

"It probably _is_ a problem. But it's a good one," Baekhyun smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling up happily.

"That, I must agree with."

Yixing pads over and slips into bed beside Baekhyun. He pulls the covers up over Baekhyun's bare body.

"You'll catch a cold if you sleep like that. You refuse to wear clothes so you might as well make sure that you're covered up."

"As long as I have you to take care of me, hyung, I have nothing to worry about."

"You'll always have me, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun gives him a searching look, "Will I really?"

"Wh―why wouldn't you?" Yixing is confused.

"I want us to be together forever. Actually hyung, can we get married? I wanna be your wife."

Yixing stares at him speechlessly. He definitely _is_ still drunk.

"Umm…"

"Yes, hyung. That's perfect. I can be your wife and you can show me off and I'll be all pretty for you and we can adopt children and have a pet cat and be disgustingly domestic and everyone will be jealous of our perfect family. We'll have a beautiful beachside wedding and we'll wear flower crowns and complementing tuxedos and go to Europe for our honeymoon. And we'll definitely get the others to sing at our wedding. Of course, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol will also obviously engaged at around the same time. _Ooh!_ We can go on double dates together and everything. And―"

" _Baek!_ Baekhyun. Woah,” Yixing cuts him off. “Slow down there, buddy. Take a deep breath. You're talking so fast I can't even keep up." Yixing is overwhelmed. He chuckles at the sheer inconceivability of the conversation.

Baekhyun pauses and Yixing takes that moment to interject.

"So. Um… you want to marry me?"

"Yes! It's the only way I'll get to keep you by my side forever and ever."

"I promised that I wouldn't leave EXO, didn't I? I'm not going anywhere."

Baekhyun waves his hands wildly in the air in frustration, "That's not what I'm talking about! I'm talking about you. And me. Not the others. Not EXO. What happens after EXO, hyung? We can't be together forever as a group no matter how much we might wish so. What about when we're thirty? Fourty? Fifty?"

"We _could_. I mean look at Shinhwa and Sechskies."

Baekhyun shakes his head so violently and impatiently that Yixing is afraid it might fall right off. "No, no, no hyung. You and I both know that's not gonna happen. And I can't bear to let you go, so you're just going to have to marry me."

And for one second―just _one_ fleeting second―Yixing actually lets himself imagine the idea. He lets himself imagine living with Baekhyun. Calling the man his husband. Having their own house. Coming home to him. Maybe even raising kids with him in the far-off future. Yixing knows Baekhyun is not in his right mind. He's drunk. He _can't_ actually mean it. But for that one second, Yixing is content to dream about the home they could've built for themselves. In another world. In another lifetime.

"But Baekhyun, don't you think you'd rather find yourself a nice girl and settle down with her?" Yixing asks.

"I don't want a girl. I want _you_ ," Baekhyun pouts. "I've been trying to get your attention for _ages_ and—oh my god hyung you're so fucking _oblivious_. It's so _frustrating_."

Yixing, quite honestly, is at a loss for words. He doesn't know what to say.

He remembers the one time when Jongin had explained to him that there were different types of drunks:  

 

> _"Chanyeol is an emotional, philosophical drunk. He goes from being scarily happy to questioning the mysteries of the universe. Kyungsoo is a quiet drunk. But he can be downright scary if you ask me. Junmyeon is a tearful drunk. He'll cry over anything and everything Minseok is a clingy drunk. Sehun is a whiny drunk. Jongdae is an angry drunk," he remembers Jongin saying._
> 
> _"And Baekhyun?" Yixing had asked._
> 
> _"Baekhyun? Baekhyun is an honest drunk."_

 

Yixing reaches over the nightstand to turn the light off, "We should go to sleep. It's four in the morning. And you're going to have a terrible hangover in the morning. No sleep will just make it worse."

Baekhyun sighs reluctantly but settles in beside Yixing.

Yixing glances at him. The younger boy is flushed red and his eyes are glazed over and beaming brightly.

Yixing lets out a low whistle, "You're _really_ drunk, aren't you? You probably won't remember any of this tomorrow. It's probably for your own good, to be honest. You'd kill _me_ for letting you say the things you did." He chuckles. "But I have to admit, you _are_ adorable."

Nuzzling into him like a puppy, Baekhyun slurs drunken and sleepily, "Hyung, you're _so_ comfortable." He sighed contentedly, "Like a marshmallow. Or a cloud. And _warm_. Like the inside of a kangaroo pouch…"

Yixing stifles a laugh and strokes Baekhyun's hair.

He slowly drifts to sleep. The last thing he remembers is Baekhyun murmuring something in his ear about how monkeys have naked, pink asses and how Shrek is love, Shrek is life.

 

-

 

"Oh you're awake my dear wife-y! I brought you some aspirin and a glass of water."

Baekhyun groans and covers his eyes, in a valiant attempt to block out the morning light.

Yixing sits on his bedside and hands him the pill which Baekhyun gulps down with the water.

"How's my wife feeling this fine morning?"

Baekhyun groans again and refuses to make eye contact, "That actually happened?"

"Yep!" Yixing replies brightly. "I seem to recall you saying something about flower crowns and cats and―"

"Stop, stop, stop. Don't you dare," Baekhyun cuts him off threateningly.

"Hey it's not me. You were the one who started."

"Ugh. I don't even remember most of it."

"I can help jog your memory if you like!" Yixing responds chirpily.

"No thanks," is Baekhyun's flat reply.

"Wise decision. Honestly, I think it's better if you don't remember."

Baekhyun finally decides to brave a look at him. "Did you just call me your _wife_? he asks incredulously.

"Yes I did. That seems to be what you want."

Baekhyun groans embarrassedly and covers his face again. Yixing can see his blush even through his fingers.

"Number one, I would never be your _wife_. Gender roles are fucked up. There is no man and woman in gay relationships. That’s not how it works. We'd just be two dudes in love and happily married. _Husbands_ ," Baekhyun says vehemently.

Yixing holds up his hands, "Like I said, your words, not mine. You seemed to have some secret fantasy about being my wife. I mean, why would you say it―even when drunk―if you hadn't thought about it before?"

Baekhyun flops back down on the bed and cries out in exaggerated despair, "How am I going to live with myself?! Leave me alone you cruel person. I have a splitting headache and you aren't making anything better."

"You're saying this to the person who just brought you aspirin."

"Shut up."

Yixing laughs at him lovingly.

"Fine. Fine Baekhyunnie. I'll forget everything you said. But first, you have to give me an explanation. Why the _hell_ did you go and get drunk like that?"

And all of a sudden, Baekhyun refuses to make eye contact with him again. "Does there have to be a reason? he asks in a defensive tone. "Isn't a guy just allowed to go and get drunk once in awhile without everyone saying there's something wrong?"

Yixing leans closer and takes Baekhyun's hands in his own, "But there _is_ a reason. I _know_ you Baekhyun. And I know you don't just go and do stupid, pointless things like that just because. What happened?"

Yixing feels Baekhyun tense under his touch but after a moment, he sighs and leans into Yixing.

"I'm sorry, hyung," he murmurs.

Yixing pulls him into an embrace, "It's okay, Baekhyunnie. Just don't do anything like that ever again, okay? You gave Junmyeon hyung quite a fright. And―dammit―you can't do that to _me_. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you got hurt."

"I'm sorry," Baekhyun whispers again.

"It's okay," Yixing repeats and presses a kiss to his forehead.

Baekhyun pulls back a little and gives him a weary smile, "I wish I could tell you what's wrong but I can't. Not just yet. I'm not ready. But when the time is right, I promise I'll tell you everything, hyung. Okay?"

Yixing pauses, genuinely thinking over what he’s just heard.

"Okay, Baekhyun. I trust you," he gives him a reassuring smile and pulls him back into his arms.

But he still can't ignore that nagging voice at the back of his head telling him this is all his fault.

For now though, he'll be content with what he has. A hungover Baekhyun in his arms. He couldn't be luckier.

"As your husband, I, Zhang Yixing, order you, Byun Baekhyun, my lovely wife, to lie down and rest."

Baekhyun slaps his shoulder playfully and pulls Yixing down onto the bed beside him.

 _Yes._ He really _is_ the luckiest man alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… excuses. My laptop was in repair for about 10 days so I couldn't post anything even if wanted to. (I can't post from my phone. It's too much work.) And it was the last week of the quarter so I had a shit ton of work. My grades are close to dropping dangerously low and I can't have that. I apologize in advance because the updates might be slower from here on out, due to the end of the school year drawing close.
> 
> And yes, I might have been a bit *cough* high *cough* out of it when I wrote this. And yes, I was thinking about Natasha Romanoff. Fun fact: Scarlett Johansson was my first, serious female celebrity crush. She helped me realize how fucking gay I really am.
> 
> Also, has anyone noticed that these authors notes are getting longer and longer with each chapter? Pretty soon they'll be longer than the whole story!
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated! <3


	7. saudade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> saudade  
> /souˈdädə/
> 
> noun
> 
> 1\. a deep, nostalgic, and melancholic longing for something or someone. often accompanied with a denied fact that what one longs for will never come back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was about time that I updated. I've been super busy but school just finally ended on Friday and Ramadan is over so I finally had time to write. I'm extremely sorry for the super long wait. Anyway, enjoy!

Yixing can't remember the last time he got a proper night's sleep. At this point, it just seems like it's something completely impossible to achieve.

And so he has his insomnia to blame for why he's currently sitting in the kitchen with Kyungsoo and Sehun. The topic of tonight's discussion is Kyungsoo and Chanyeol's not-quite-relationship. To be completely honest, Yixing's just glad that he's not getting teased about Baekhyun and that the focus is on the other couple for once.

Speaking of Baekhyun… Yixing hasn't gotten the chance to spend much time around him as of late. The only occasions they end up alone together is when they go to bed at night. But Baekhyun is usually asleep by the time Yixing comes in and gone by the time he wakes up. Yixing has a slight suspicion that Baekhyun might be avoiding him and the mere thought of that pains him. Granted—Baekhyun hasn't actually  _said_ anything about it—but Yixing can't help but feel like something's wrong. And that he’s supposed to know what that something is.

The growing distance between him and Baekhyun feeds a deep-set yearning that just gets worse the longer Baekhyun avoids him.

"...Chanyeol is  _obviously_ crazy about you, hyung. For god's sake, he even wrote a  _song_ for you," Sehun is saying exasperatedly.

Kyungsoo just ignores the maknae and looks questioningly at Yixing, asking for his opinion.

Yixing who's deep in thought, doesn't even realize he's being addressed, "Hmm? Oh. Yeah—I have to agree with Sehunnie on this one. Poor Yeol is absolutely smitten with you Soo."

Kyungsoo just sighs frustratedly and rolls his eyes, "Well if he's serious about us, then why isn't he man enough to actually  _say_ something? It's not like I haven't been obvious about the fact that I like him back."

"Well—maybe you haven't been obvious  _enough_? So he's really  _not_ sure if you feel the same way and he's worried he'll mess things up between the two of you?" Yixing suggests.

Rolling his eyes again, Kyungsoo laughs bitterly, "You're such a hypocrite, hyung. You weren't even paying attention a second ago because you were too busy daydreaming about Baekhyun."

 _Oops._ Yixing had rejoiced too soon when he'd thought that they were going to lay off on the Baekhyun teasing for one night.

Yixing splutters indignantly but before he can say anything Sehun interrupts, laughing gleefully at his hyung's discomfort—

"It's true! You always get this look on your face when you're thinking about Baek. It's painfully obvious. Chanyeol is  _nothing_ compared to you when it comes to being too cowardly to confess," Sehun says.

"I'm not a coward!" Yixing huffs.

"When it comes to Baekhyun you seem to lose all sense of everything," Sehun replies with an infuriating smirk.

Kyungsoo smiles slyly, "That's called love."

"For the last time, I'm not in love with Baekhyun!"

His obvious lie is met with deafening silence and knowing looks from both Sehun and Kyungsoo.

Sighing defeatedly, Yixing says, "I liked you both better when you weren't too smart for your own good."

"Pshh we've always been brilliant, hyung. And you love us just the way we are," Sehun says.

It's true. Yixing concedes defeat with a shrug of his shoulders.

"So what are you going to do about Baekhyun?" Kyungsoo asks.

"What is there  _to_ do?"

"Well,  _something_  obviously happened because now he's avoiding you when otherwise, he's usually draped all over you. And I'm willing to guess that this new development is caused by… some sort of complication," is Kyungsoo's vague, unhelpful reply.

" _Complication?_ What is that even supposed to  _mean_?"

Sehun blurts in, eager to help, "Well it could be a number of things, really. He might be worried you're not interested in him the same way? Or maybe he thinks you like someone else? He might not even be sure you're into men."

Yixing is taken aback. "But… wait. I'm not—I'm not…  _gay_ ," he splutters.

Both Kyungsoo and Sehun do that scary thing where they stare at him with identical expressions of disbelief on their faces.  _Damn, Yixing really needs to learn how to manipulate his eyebrows like that._

"There's nothing wrong with being gay, you know," Kyungsoo states slowly, as if explaining to a small child.

"It's not that," Yixing replies hurriedly. "It's just—it's… only Baekhyun. He's… the only one I've felt this way for." He immediately cringes internally at how cliché his statement sounds. But it  _is_ true. And saying it out loud makes Yixing realize just  _how_ true it is.

"Maybe you're Baekhyun-sexual?" Sehun suggests helpfully.

Both of his hyungs laugh at that, successfully easing some of the tension that has settled over the trio.

"No, but seriously. No matter whether you're gay or not, there's something serious there between you and Baekhyun hyung. And if you don't do something soon to make sure he knows how you feel, you might just end up losing him for good," Sehun adds on a more serious note.

Yixing sighs and puts his head in his hands. He knows they're right. He has to make a move soon.

Kyungsoo pats his shoulder comfortingly, "We believe in you hyung. You can do it." Sehun echoes his sentiments. Yixing looks up at the two, eternally grateful for being blessed with such wise dongsaengs.

"And when you finally confess to him, I promise to ask Chanyeol out on a date."

 

-

 

By the time Yixing gets back to his bedroom, Baekhyun is already there. But for the first time in ages, he's  _awake_. Well… maybe not the  _first_ time. Yixing has the sneaking suspicion that maybe the younger boy had just been pretending to be asleep a couple of times in the recent past. Yixing hadn't commented on it but he's having none of that tonight.  _Tonight_ he's determined to be brave. Brave enough for the both of them.

He walks over to their shared closet and pulls out a jacket for himself and a thick sweater for Baekhyun. Throwing the sweater at Baekhyun lying on the bed he orders him, "Get up. I know you're awake."

Slowly, Baekhyun rolls over and looks up at him with a blank expression on his face.

"Get up," Yixing repeats. "We're going out."

Baekhyun is absolutely silent. He sits up and just gapes at Yixing with wide, bewildered eyes.

Pulling on his jacket and taking his keys from the bedside table, Yixing glances over his shoulder at Baekhyun who's still in bed.

"So are you coming or not?"

Rubbing tiredly at his eyes, Baekhyun finally— _finally_ —gets out of bed and slips on the sweater. After a moment of simply standing there and staring at Yixing, he seems to find his voice. They're the first real words he's spoken to Yixing in what seems like ages:

"Where are we going?"

"Out," is simply Yixing's reply. "I said that already. Now put on your shoes and come with me."

After having what seems to be a silent, internal debate with himself, Baekhyun complies and this leads to the duo ending up alone in a car in the garage.

Yixing opens the passenger door for Baekhyun and the younger boy silently slides in. Baekhyun hadn't spoken a single word on the trip down and it seemed like it was going to remain that way.

Getting into the driver's seat, Yixing buckles up and turns the key in the ignition. They pull out onto the quiet street and Yixing—he drives. And drives. And drives.

They drive through the sleeping city. They drive out past the edge of civilization and the skyscrapers give way to trees. The city fades away and seems to melt away into nothingness.

Yixing feels like he's driving to get away. He's running. Running to escape. There's an edge of desperation tinging the edges. All of his stress and worries just seem petty and unimportant when he's out here, far away from everything with just Baekhyun by his side. He's running. Running so he doesn't get caught. Running so he doesn't get pulled under the waves. Running so he doesn't drown.

They're just cruising on an empty highway out in the middle of nowhere now. There's a heavy silence in the car but it's strangely comfortable. The green light on the dashboard reads:  _2:47am_.

Yixing finds himself glancing out of the corner of his eye at Baekhyun sitting next to him. He can't help himself. How could anyone expect him to be able to resist this beautiful boy? The passing streetlights cast strange shadows on Baekhyun's face and the light pools on his features, drawing them out and defining them. There's a glow cast on his tousled hair, making him literally shine. He looks like an angel. He looks like destruction. He looks like salvation. He looks utterly irresistible and Yixing is utterly, totally, fucked.

Finally, Yixing works up the resolve to break the silence that seems to he working so well for them. He loathes to ruin the serenity but he knows it has to be done.

"You know I'm not really sure where we're going."

Baekhyun's quiet for so long, Yixing thinks he's not going to reply until finally, he speaks up, "I realized."

Yixing takes that as a positive sign to continue talking,"Well technically, I  _had_ no idea where we were going."

After what seems like an eternity, Baekhyun responds to the bait. "And now you do?" he prompts.

"Surprisingly, yes. It's… a special place. For me, anyway. I've never shown or told anyone else about it," Yixing replies hesitantly.

"But now you're taking me there?"

"Well… you're… special to me so it kind of makes sense for me to show it to you."

Baekhyun looks straight at him for the first time since they'd gotten into the car.  _And there's that damn eyebrow raise again._ He isn't going to make this easy for Yixing.

Yixing sighs and continues, "You know that bracelet you gave to me awhile back?" He doesn't need to elaborate because Baekhyun knows  _exactly_ which bracelet he's talking about.

It had happened one day, just like any other. Yixing had been about to leave the dorms to go board yet another flight taking him away from Korea. From his members.

Baekhyun accosted him alone in the hallway. For a minute he'd just stood there, shifting nervously from foot to foot. When Yixing opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, he'd quickly stuffed something into Yixing's open palm. On closer examination, Yixing identified it to be a bracelet.  _The_ bracelet. The one Baekhyun always seemed to wear. The one you could sometimes catch him rubbing at when he was nervous, as if for comfort.

After a moment of stunned silence, Yixing had looked up at Baekhyun, an astonished look on his face.  _He couldn't be giving it to him, could he?_

"It's yours," Baekhyun had said firmly.

"I can't take this. It's special to you," replied Yixing, aghast.

"That's exactly why I'm giving it to you. It's special to me and I want you to have something of mine to remember me by when you're all alone out there, miles and miles away from me. I want you to look at it and have a piece of me with you at all times. Think of it as though I'm lending it to you for safekeeping."

"Lending it to me?" Yixing had asked.

"Yeah. Until the day comes when you won't ever have to leave my side. I'm giving it to you  _because_ it's special. Because  _you're_ special. To me."

"But…"

"I want you to have it."

And that was the end of that.

So yeah, when Yixing mentions the bracelet, Baekhyun knows exactly which one he's talking about.

"Yeah, I remember the bracelet. I haven't seen you wearing it," Baekhyun added accusingly.

"Trust me, I wear it constantly when I'm away from you. But I felt like I didn't  _need_ to wear it when I'm here with you. When I start missing you—which is like all the time—all I need to do is look in your direction and the weight in my chest will ease. I can't do that when I'm miles away from you and the bracelet really does help."

Yixing notices Baekhyun staring at him with a strangely vulnerable look on his face after hearing his answer.

"But if you want me to wear it even now, I wouldn't mind," Yixing continues.

"N—no. It's okay. I just…" Baekhyun trails off, looking more than a little shaken.

After waiting a moment to see if Baekhyun's going to finish his thought, Yixing continues, "Well anyway, my point was that you gave me something special—a piece of yourself—when you  _lent_ me the bracelet. And I want to do the same. So all I ask of you is to give me a chance. Please."

It's not even clear what Yixing is asking Baekhyun to give him a chance for. Yixing isn't even sure  _he_ knows himself. But nevertheless, he sees Baekhyun nod slowly and hesitantly and he feels a surge of hope in his chest.

And so they continue driving. Though increasingly winding roads and deserted fields. There's still silence between them but it's less heavy. Yixing can sense Baekhyun now staring at him curiously, not even trying to hide it.

He has to tear his thoughts away from Baekhyun for a while to focus on the dark road ahead of him. The terrain is getting more mountainous and the car is ascending uphill. Yixing would never forgive himself if something happened and Baekhyun got hurt just because he himself was acting like too much of a lovesick teenager to pay attention to the road.

Finally,  _finally_ , they reach their destination.

Yixing pulls onto a patch of grass and cuts the ignition. He gets out of the car and walks around to the trunk at the back, hoping…  _yes_. There it is!

After a split second's thought, he grabs just one of the bottles of alcohol.  _It'll be more romantic this way_ , he figures, while cackling evilly to himself.

Realizing that Baekhyun still hasn't exited the car, Yixing goes over and opens the door and stares down at Baekhyun who stares identically up at him.

"Well? Aren't you coming?"

When Baekhyun makes no move to reply, Yixing just grabs his hand out of his lap and pulls him out the car. Baekhyun stumbles out, surprised and almost falls over but Yixing catches him quickly.

"I won't ever let you fall," Yixing says quietly. Almost  _too_ quietly, but Baekhyun hears and his eyes go wide. Biting his lip he looks away and doesn't reply. So Yixing just decides,  _to hell with it_ and leads Baekhyun by the hand over to the edge. They're on top of a tall hill—more of a small mountain really. They're high up and the city is spread out, glittering and glorious beneath them.

Yixing hears Baekhyun gasp slightly at the overwhelming view.

"It's… magnificent."

Yixing chuckles slightly, "I know. I still can't believe I discovered such a place."

Sitting on the grass, Yixing pulls Baekhyun down with him and after taking a swig from the bottle, passes it to the other boy. After a couple minutes of silence and staring out at the sparkling city sprawled out beneath them, Baekhyun asks, "How  _did_ you find this place anyway?"

"Well, it was a while back… Right after Luhan left actually." Yixing doesn't dare look at Baekhyun for fear of what he might see on his face.

He continues after taking a second to gather himself, "Everything was just getting to be… too much. First Yifan. Then Luhan. I was plagued day and night by these horrible  _thoughts_. What if it was my fault? Should I have tried harder?—"

Baekhyun opens his mouth to say something but Yixing cuts him off, "I know now it wasn't my fault. You don't have to tell me. It wasn't  _anyone's_ fault. I know you and the others went through the same sort of thing. But then… then it was just overwhelming."

Yixing has to stop again for a moment to collect himself and Baekhyun places a comforting hand on his arm. When Yixing looks at him, he sees the other boy has an understanding look on his face that can only come from experience.

Taking a deep breath, Yixing continues, "And one night, I think it was when I accidentally came across something of Luhan's which he had left behind, it got to be too much. I just  _had_ to get away. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. So I just drove."

Baekhyun's grip on his arm tightens.

"I drove and I drove. I had no idea where I was going. I just knew it had to be far away. Far enough to leave it all behind. And so, somehow, in a moment of delirium, I ended up here. I honestly don't remember anything from that night. It's all jumbled up in my head in weird snatches. But I do remember the feeling of  _peace_ that settled over me the moment I laid eyes on…  _this_. He gestures out at the view.

"It was just—the city lights and seeing the hustle and bustle of all those tiny cars carrying all those people, busy with their own lives and… I can't explain it. But it made me feel like I was part of something bigger. Reminded me that it wasn't the end of the world. It grounded me and that was exactly what I needed at that moment. I ended up coming here quite often after that night. Or at least as often as I could. This is where I ran to the night Tao announced his departure. It's also where I would come when I needed inspiration for lyrics or a reason to keep going."

Yixing paused and looked over at Baekhyun who was still staring at him intently and gripping his arm. After bracing himself, he hurdled into the last leg of his speech, "Which comes down to why I've brought you here. Baekhyunnie. For me, you're kind of this special place. Just infinitely better. You're my escape. My rock. My encouragement. My inspiration. My home. I don't know what I would do without you and now you've been ignoring me and I just—"

Yixing's voice cracks and he feels Baekhyun tense beside him and move his hand down from his arm to instead clasp Yixing's hand in his own.

Taking a deep breath, Yixing finishes, "Without you, I can't do this Baekhyun. I  _can't_. I  _need_ you."

Silence meets his deceleration. After a minute of what feels like pure agony for Yixing, Baekhyun speaks, "I… didn't know you felt that way."

When Yixing opens his mouth to reply, Baekhyun hastily cuts him off.

"I mean, I knew to some extent. But I didn't know you felt that  _strongly_. I didn't know you felt… the way I do."

Yixing's heart clenches.

Baekhyun continues, "I'm sorry for ignoring you. It's just… I didn't know what to  _do_. It hurt too much to just be by your side and pretend like what we have isn't different. I originally thought I could be okay with just continuing on as we had. Not acknowledging…  _this_." He gestures between them.

After taking a deep breath, Baekhyun continues, "But I don't think I can. I'm not sure if you feel the same way. And I'm scared. But what I  _do_ know for sure is that I can't just sit around and let things I want, slip through my fingers. Life's too short to live in with regrets."

And with that, Baekhyun takes a large swig from the bottle still lying on the grass in front of them.

They drink some more in silence, watching the city in front of them slowly come to life. The sun'll be rising soon and people will be waking up. Leaving their homes, making their way to work or school. Living. Laughing. Crying. Loving.

Yixing's feeling a little tipsy. He feels brave. Brave enough to take on the world. Brave enough to lean over and press a light kiss to Baekhyun's cheek.

"I just need a little longer," he whispers. "To figure myself out."

Baekhyun looks at him, pained. "How long, Yixing? Because I told myself I could wait forever but I'm not sure anymore."

"Not much longer. I promise," Yixing adds, placing another sweet kiss to the tip of Baekhyun's nose.

Baekhyun sighs and leans into his warmth, "I trust you."

And in the end, that's all they have, isn't it? After all the fame and glory and youth and adventure fades away. After everything turns to dust, all that's left is their trust. Their faith and loyalty. Their love.

Yixing wraps his arm around Baekhyun and pulls him close. He has no idea what the morning will bring him. What decisions he's going to have to make. What obstacles he's going to face. But at this very moment, he's content.

Content with Baekhyun by his side and the city spread out beneath them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I know I'm just sort of dragging it out now and the whole chapter was just really vague and did nothing to move the plot forward. I just really needed to write it. On the plus side, I think there's only 2? more chapters left. Again, I'm super sorry this update is so late but hopefully they'll be a lot quicker now that school's out. Thanks again for reading this absolute train wreck. I love you all. Comments and kudos are appreciated! <3


	8. kairos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kairos  
> /ˈkīräs/
> 
> noun
> 
> 1\. the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; the fleeting rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words, or movement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys. I should probably put in a trigger warning for self-harm (thoughts) somewhere.

His blank faced, empty eyed, unfamiliar reflection stares back at him. Baekhyun tightens his grip on the sides of the bathroom sink until his knuckles are straining from the effort.

This whole past month had been an absolute nightmare. With EXO's comeback fast approaching, everyone's tension level seemed to skyrocket. The managers had been bitching at them and calling them out 24/7. Everyone seemed to be getting on each other's nerves due to the stress and you had to tread carefully around the dorm lest you set someone off. On top of that, Baekhyun had spent the past hour scrolling through negative comments about him and EXO on social media and his morale was unhealthily low. Nothing he did seemed to work. He couldn't get the choreography down right and was having difficulty with certain notes of the title track. His diet was killing him and his workouts were gruesome. By this point, he was literally hanging onto his last thread of sanity.

And the last straw had been earlier today when he'd accidentally overheard the managers discussing how Yixing was most probably not going to be included in the comeback. Instead, he was to head back to China and stay there for god knows how long.

Baekhyun doesn't think he'll be able to bear the things that will be said about Yixing when the public finds out he won’t be in the comeback. If _he's_ having a hard time, how will his hyung feel? He doesn't want to see Yixing hurt again.

Letting out a deep, shuddery sigh, Baekhyun's gaze falls on the razor resting on the side of the sink. For a split second, a wonderful, terrible idea flits through his mind. A spike of adrenaline shoots through him at what he can potentially do with the blade. He can finally have some form of the _control_ he lusts after. Control over all the chaos. His fingers itch to carry out the deed and just as he reaches for the razor, his phone buzzes in his pocket, startling him out of his stupor. As he pulls the phone out, his hands tremble as the weight of what he'd been about to do, hits him.

Taking a bracing breath, he looks at the screen. It's a text from Yixing.

 

**Yixing**

_You awake?_

 

Baekhyun lets out a watery smile at that. Yixing—always to the rescue, whether he knows it or not. He types out his reply:

 

**Baekhyun**

_Course. Why do u ask?_

 

**Yixing**

_Would you be willing to meet me at the recording studio?_

 

**Baekhyun**

_At this time?!!?!?_

 

**Yixing**

_It's not like we haven't stayed even later for work_

 

**Baekyun**

_Yeah… but that's work…_

 

**Yixing**

_Baek please. Just this once? For your favorite hyung_?

 

**Baekhyun**

_*sighs* Well… if you put it_ that _way… Fine. But this better be worth it_

 

**Yixing**

_Yay!!! ☺☺☺ Thank you Baekhyun-ah!! ily ♥♥♥_

 

**Baekhyun**

_Trust me, I know. I'll be there in 10_

 

-

 

Using the key he borrowed from Chanyeol, Baekhyun lets himself into the dark building. Yeol had given him a knowing smile when Baekhyun had asked for the key, explaining that he needed it to meet Yixing. It's common knowledge amongst the group that Kyungsoo and Chanyeol spend a lot of nights in the recording studio when they need some time alone. Some of the nights are dedicated to music and others to… things he really doesn't want to imagine his bandmates doing.

Baekhyun snickers to himself as he rides up in the elevator. Everyone in this group is fucking _gay_.

He steps out into the hall and makes his way to the only studio with the lights currently on. Peeking in through the glass, he sees Yixing—sitting with his laptop, headphones on, his back to Baekhyun. He hasn't noticed Baekhyun's arrival.

Cackling evilly to himself, Baekhyun stealthily creeps closer to Yixing from behind. At a silent count of three, he pounces, covers Yixing's eyes with one hand and pulls the earphones off with the other. Yixing visibly jumps in his chair and lets out an adorable little squeak.

Baekhyun leans in, mouth slightly brushing Yixing’s ear, and whispers in a voice so low it surprises himself, "Guess who."

He chooses to ignore the following shudder that passes through Yixing's body but relishes in it nonetheless. _He_ has this effect on the other man. Him and no one else.

Yixing prises Baekhyun's hand off of his face and looks up at him, "Jesus Baekhyun! I thought you were—"

"A serial killer? A monster? A _dinosaur?_ " Baekhyun interrupts cheekily.

Yixing scoffs unconvincingly, "Don't be ridiculous."

"You were frightened to death, hyung. Stop pretending otherwise. And anyway, this is comeback for all those times you've sneaked up on me."

Yixing rolls his eyes.

Baekhyun just beams even brighter and opens his arms wide, "Here—I'll give you a hug to make up for it."

Despite raising his eyebrows sardonically, Yixing nevertheless rolls his chair closer, wraps his arms around Baekhyun's middle and pulls him close so abruptly that Baekhyun literally falls into the embrace. Yixing presses tightly against him and rests his head on Baekhyun's tummy. Hiding his face in his shirt, he murmurs, just barely audible, "You scared me."

Chuckling lovingly, Baekhyun strokes his hair, "I know. I can't promise I won't do it again but I _am_ a little sorry." He leans down and places a kiss on top of Yixing's head.

After a minute, he reluctantly pulls away to look at Yixing's face. ( _God_ , the man is absolutely irresistible with his pouty lips that look invitingly soft and his warm, sleepy eyes and tousled hair.)

He asks, "So what did I absolutely _have_ to come over here for at this time of night?"

Yixing smiles up at him, "We're going to record a song together. Well—a cover of an English song, to be more exact."

It takes a moment for Baekhyun to fully process what he's saying and Yixing seems to take his silence as hesitation and rushes to continue speaking.

"Not that you have to do it if you don't want to! I just—I thought it'd be a nice thing for us to do together. Kinda like what Soo and Yeol did. Something that would be _ours_ and ours alone. We've never really explicitly sung something by ourselves, just the two of us and I kind of wanted to share the experience with you. Like—a special memory sort of thing, you know? If you don't want to, we really don't have to. I understand—" Yixing rambles.

Baekhyun has to internally struggle to stop himself from just grabbing Yixing's irritatingly beautiful face between his hands, leaning forward, and kissing him senseless.

It's just so _cute_. His uncertainty is fucking endearing as hell and Baekhyun just wants to wrap him up in his arms and never let go. This man deserves the _world_.

Instead, he leans forward and grabs Yixing's hand (he's gesticulating wildly, with his hands all over the place) and holds it tightly in his own.

"Hyung, hyung. Calm down. I'd absolutely _love_ to record a song with you. I can't even _begin_ to explain to you how much this means to me. It's rather… romantic too, don't you think?" Baekhyun smiles slyly.

After a moment, Yixing seems to register what he's saying and blushes.

_God, he's so weak for this man._

"Well—umm… hehe," Yixing laughs nervously and runs a hand through his hair. "Anyway, we never get any free time so I thought this would be as good a chance as any. I also thought that whenever I'm gone, you could… maybe… listen to the song and remember me? Remember what we made together?" he stammers.

Baekhyun doesn't understand how someone this perfect can even be _human_.

Smiling lovingly, he reaches out and gently tweaks Yixing's nose, "You don't need to sound so uncertain. I think it's a lovely idea."

Yixing's returns his smile with one of his own. (It's filled with relief). Baekhyun's heart swells at the thought that Yixing cares for him _so fucking much_ and that he was _this_ nervous about pitching the idea because it means so much to him.

Baekhyun pulls up a chair beside Yixing and sits down. "So what's the song?" he asks.

"Well we can always change it if you like but umm… do you remember that song I showed you a couple weeks ago that day that our schedule for the afternoon was cancelled because of a thunderstorm?"

"Hmm… oh! That song sung by the girl with the blue hair and really good voice?"

"Yeah, that's the one. It's called Devil In Me and the woman's name is Halsey. You seemed to like it a lot so I thought…"

" _Ooh_. We're gonna cover that?" Baekhyun is practically jumping up and down with excitement. "Sounds great!"

Yixing beams, "Great! Cause I've already got the music and everything all put together."

"Ahh, Zhang Yixing, the greatest composer of our time."

Yixing blushes again, "Don't say that. There's plenty of people who are better than me."

"Well _I_ think you're the best and that's all that really matters."

Yixing chuckles, "Well your confidence in me is much appreciated, Baekhyun-ah. Anyway, let's listen to the song once more and then we can work on the lyrics. I warn you though, this'll probably take more than one night."

"That's totally fine, hyung. Just means I get to spend more time alone with you!"

"You literally sleep in the same bed as me."

"Still not enough."

Despite rolling his eyes, Yixing still can't contain his smile.

"Okay, so let's hear it. The song," Baekhyun says.

Yixing obligingly presses play, and a bittersweet melody fills the air. The emotion in the singer's voice instantly reminds Baekhyun why he liked this song so much in the first place. They sit there in silence, bathing in the haunting music. When the song fades away, they're left with a heavy silence before Baekhyun breaks it.

"Wow," he breathes. "What is she singing about? Do you know?"

"It's about her finding herself after breaking off an unhealthy relationship. The person she was with, used to call her real personality 'the devil in her' and would categorize the loud parts, the parts that are obnoxious, as something bad. They refused to accept her for who she was and would try to repress her and hold her down. Now, after moving on, she's recovering and learning to be true to herself."

Baekhyun just stares awestruck at Yixing after he falls silent.

Suddenly, Yixing shakes his head and looks away, embarrassed. "I'm sorry. That was probably an absolutely terrible explanation—not to mention cheesy as hell," he says.

" _No!_ " Baekhyun practically shouts. Yixing looks up at him, slightly shocked. It's Baekhyun's turn to look sheepish.

"No," he repeats, more softly this time. "It was a wonderful explanation. _Powerful_."

"Oh," Yixing smiles hesitantly. "Well, that's good. Umm… but yeah. Basically. As a whole, the song portrays the so-called demons that reside inside us all and the internal conflict we all face. Most of all, it's talking about _accepting_ those demons as a part of who we are and instead working to be happy with who _you_ are as a _whole_."

Baekhyun lets out a low whistle. "Damn. I'm impressed."

Chuckling, Yixing replies, "Well, it _is_ impressive. Anyway, here—" he hands Baekhyun a sheet of paper. "It's a copy of the lyrics."

Baekhyun accepts the paper and studies the unfamiliar foreign words while Yixing talks.

"So we obviously won't be able to finish this tonight but I was thinking we could get started with the chorus cause it's more repetitive, which makes it simpler. I'll help you learn the lyrics and then we can record a few attempts of you singing the chorus and see how it goes from there."

Baekhyun nods, "Sounds good. I'm impressed. You seem to have this all planned out."

Smiling shyly, Yixing replies, "I tried my best. I divided up the lyrics and highlighted which parts you're going to sing."

After taking a moment to look at the highlighted portions, Baekhyun looks sharply up at Yixing, "But… from what I see, you're not even singing one chorus."

"You have a much better voice than me Baekhyun. I thought you should be the one—"

Baekhyun interrupts, "Oh c'mon. We're doing this fairly. This isn't SM. You're going to get more than two lines because I want to hear you fucking sing. _I love your voice_. I'd pay an unimaginable amount of money if I could get to have you sing me to sleep every night with that sweet voice of yours."

Yixing just looked back at him disbelievingly.

"I'm serious! You have your own solo album with another one on the way. Surely you know how good of a singer you are!" Baekhyun exclaims, not quite able to believe the situation.

"I guess… I'm not _bad_. But nowhere near as good as you or Jongdae or Kyungsoo."

"You shut up with all this nonsense right now or I _will_ shut you up. And besides, look at your dancing. I'm terrible compared to you!"

Smiling, Yixing replies, "I'm not gonna argue with that."

"Hey! You're not supposed to _agree_ with me."

Yixing ruffles his hair placatingly. "You know, I would if I could—sing you to sleep that is. But the other members would probably get mad at me for keeping them up," he says.

Baekhyun blushes, "I'm going to hold you to that. Now whenever I can't sleep, I'll ask you to sing to me."

"Anything for you, Baekhyun."

The moment following Yixing's declaration is one of those rare moments in life when time seems to slow down and it's just you and the person in front of you. As you look into their eyes, you feel like you can take on the world. Nothing—no one can stop you. No one can get in your way. You are free. You are loved.

 

-

 

After a little more pouting on Baekhyun's part, Yixing had agreed to let him modify the lyric distribution and to sing at least one of the choruses.

 

_"I don't wanna wake it up_

_I don't wanna wake it up_

_The devil in me_

_Gotta wake up, gotta wake up_

_Gotta wake up, gotta wake up_

_Gotta wake up, come back to life"_

 

Baekhyun locks eyes with Yixing through the recording studio's glass. He's singing the chorus and he's proud that he's managed to get through it without stumbling once on the English words (after much practice).

But wait—does Yixing have… _tears in his eyes_?

Baekhyun looks away long enough to take off his headphones and set them on the table. He exits the room and makes his way over to the table that Yixing's sitting at.

Placing a light hand on his shoulder, Baekhyun waits. Yixing's refusing to look at him. After another moment passes, Baekhyun gently tilts Yixing's face towards him so he can look him in the eye.

The older man's eyes are red and shiny with unshed tears.

"Why're you crying?" Baekhyun asks softly.

"I'm not—I'm not _crying_ ," Yixing chokes out.

Baekhyun just raises an eyebrow pointedly.

"It's just—you really _do_ have the voice of an angel. It's so beautiful. _You're_ so beautiful. You take my breath away." Yixing blushes in embarrassment. "Ignore me, I'm being all sappy," he says.

Baekhyun pulls him into a tight hug before he can say anything else. For a minute, they just sit there. Listening to each other's breathing in the dead silent room. Baekhyun's standing up so Yixing's head is pressed against his chest.

"I can hear your heartbeat," Yixing says quietly.

Baekhyun mentally curses himself because his heart's beating a mile a minute at the moment.

"It's… comforting. You have a nice heartbeat," Yixing smiles crookedly up at him.

"Umm… okay?" Despite his confusion, Baekhyun smiles. He leans down, presses a kiss to the tip of Yixing's ear, and tucks a strand of hair behind it. "Uh… you have a nice heartbeat too. I think." And surprisingly, he means it.

Yixing beams, "Thanks."

Baekhyun knows what Yixing means though—by saying his heartbeat's comforting. He understands from all those nights he's fallen asleep with his head pillowed on Yixing's chest. There's something unimaginably grounding about hearing the steady pulse of someone's heart. Especially someone you love.

In this moment, the pain and misery of the past month seems to fade a bit. Seems a little less harsh. A little more bearable. He has something to hold on to. Someone to hold on to him.

"We should probably get back to recording if we want this finished by the end of the week." _Before you have to leave again_ , is unspoken but both of them know that they're thinking it.

"Let's take a break, actually. I brought donuts!" Yixing exclaims.

The scene fades with a shot of Baekhyun jumping up and down eagerly and smudging powdered sugar on both their noses.

_I could get used to this_ , he thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me FOREVER to pick the song they would cover and I'm still not sure about it. (I had to choose from the 600 something songs on my spotify lmao). I kept on rediscovering old songs and getting sidetracked. It was terrible. (side note: one of my favorite kpop covers is the one for Fools by Troye Sivan that Namjoon did.) I ended up watching a bunch of 'Baekhyun singing' compilations and tearing up bc this boy really does have the voice of an angel. (Also, I think Yixing's voice is highly underrated bc damn this child can hit those high notes.) I actually really want to hear Baekhyun cover Hello by Adele. I feel like his voice is perfect for it. Anyway, one more chapter to go, folks!
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated! <3


	9. eudaimonia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eudaimonia  
> /juːdᵻˈmoʊniə/
> 
> noun 
> 
> 1\. "human flourishing"; a contented state of being happy, healthy, and prosperous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I changed my mind. The following chapter will be the last one. I promise. I know you're probably tired of me by now but I just HAD to add this really short filler. (It's something I wrote months ago and forgot about lol). It's basically just dialogue (aka, Baekhyun rambling shit, waxing poetic, and being dramatic. (We seem to have a lot in common.)) But I'm hoping it tides you over until I post the last chapter. Enjoy!

It's one of those nights when the two of them don't wish to do anything but lie in bed. Baekhyun is in his favorite position—head pillowed on Yixing's chest—lightly tracing patterns on his shirt.

"Hyung, do you ever wish we'd be allowed things that made us happy?" Baekhyun asks in a wistful tone.

Yixing looks down at him, surprised. "What do you mean? _Aren't_ you happy? When you go out on stage and see and hear thousands of fans cheering for us? When you realize that _you're_ the one bringing the smiles to their faces and the tears to their eyes?"

"Yes, of course. It's just—" Baekhyun makes a frustrated noise. "It's just… that's not personal happiness. Those are things we share with the world and—well—I can't explain it. I know I gave up my right to a normal life when I decided I wanted to become an idol. But that doesn't necessarily mean I don’t occasionally want to be able to enjoy normal things. This might sound selfish, but don't you wish you could sometimes indulge in the ordinary? The simple things that bring true happiness? Stuff like being able to go out freely without being accosted. Or just having a bit of peace and quiet and time to myself. Or… or falling in love with someone and being _allowed_ to have them."

He says that last part quietly. The words, with their vaguely hidden meaning, send a strange feeling shooting through Yixing's chest.

"Are you… are you happy _now_? At this very moment?"

Baekhyun looks up and says, " _Of course_ ," with an intensity that suggests he is appalled at the very idea that Yixing might think otherwise.

"Of course I'm happy," he repeats. "I'm with _you_. I'm so happy that my heart feels like it's about to burst out of my chest. You know that feeling when you're so intensely happy it _hurts_? The kind of happiness that melts away all your worried. Makes it seem like nothing else matters except you and the person you're with. That's what it's like. I'm so happy it's literally blinding. I know it sounds fucking cliché, but it's the truth." Baekhyun takes a deep breath and beams up at him.

Yixing is speechless. (As usual.)

"And you know what Kyungsoo said when I explained it to him earlier?"

"What'd he say?"

"He looked me straight in the eye and said flatly, 'That's called being in love, idiot.'"

Yixing isn't sure how to respond. He feels like his heart is stuck in his throat. His breath caught in his chest.

_If that's called being in love, then I must be in love with you._

The words Yixing can’t say burn in his throat.

So instead he just chuckles, "He said that?"

Baekhyun laughs, "Yeah. In that totally Kyungsoo sort of way he has about him."

"Yeah, I can imagine it. I wonder how he acts with Chanyeol when they're alone though…" Yixing ponders out loud.

"You're only supposed to be thinking about me!"

"Hah. Move over,"

Baekhyun goes silent all of a sudden. The smile fades from his face. In a quiet voice, he asks, "Did I—did I do something wrong?"

Yixing just rolls his eyes and pokes his cheek. "Move over,” he repeats.

Slowly, Baekhyun lifts his head from Yixing's chest, untangles himself from his arms, and scoots over on the bed.

Yixing follows by crawling closer and instead rests _his_ head on Baekhyun's chest.

They rarely ever sleep like this. It's usually always the other way around. Baekhyun in his arms or occasionally spooning him from behind. Or they’ll just end up tangled together. Never Baekhyun cradling him like this.

As if by instinct, Baekhyun's arms immediately come up to circle around Yixing and pull him even closer. Yixing nuzzles his face in the other boy's neck.

After a quiet moment, Baekhyun clears his throat. "Well, this is new."

And Yixing, who has his ear pressed against Baekhyun's chest, just replies, "I can hear your heartbeat." He looks up and smiles at Baekhyun cheekily, both of them recalling their conversation about heartbeats from the recording studio a couple weeks past.

"It's beating really fast."

"Oh?" Baekhyun says, trying to sound calm.

"Is it because of me?" Yixing asks cheekily.

Baekhyun blushes and opts not to answer. He averts his eyes from Yixing's gaze but the older man is enjoying this too much.

He puts his hand on the warm, smooth skin of Baekhyun's waist where his shirt has ridden up. Baekhyun can't control the shiver that runs through him as Yixing starts rubbing gentle circles on his exposed hip bone.

Yixing smiles to himself and settles in closer to Baekhyun as the lights are turned off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck I used the word happy so many times in this chapter. And forgive me for this whole corny mess. Baekxing just fucks with my heart. Also, Yixing the little shit. Baekhyun literally confessed to him and he still didn't kiss him? This boy better man up soon. Anyway, NOW it's one more chapter to go, folks! (I’m actually nervous and feeling the pressure cause it has to end with a bang, y’know?)
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated! <3


	10. limerence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> limerence  
> /ˈlimərəns/
> 
> noun
> 
> 1\. the state of being infatuated with another person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super long a/n at the end.

One day, Baekhyun wakes up and it dawns on him that he and Yixing are steadily drawing closer to something that can be defined as a _couple_. The sudden realization leaves him slightly breathless. He vows to not fuck this up. All he needs is a little more _time_.

And then Yixing leaves. He leaves and isn't allowed to come back.

He's had to leave before. For China. By himself. But it's only been for a couple weeks at a time. Baekhyun can cope—albeit roughly—with that.

But this time—this time he's _gone_. For months upon months.

He leaves Baekhyun with a hole in his heart.

And he tries to tell himself isn't _terrible_. Except it is.

And the time to work everything out that Baekhyun so desperately needed—he doesn't get it.

 

-

 

Baekhyun can't describe the sheer _agony_ he feels at being separated from Yixing for so long.

Junmyeon just looks at him with sad eyes when he talks to him about it. Baekhyun knows their beloved leader hurts at the thought of any of his members suffering but this matter isn't in his hands.

Jongdae on the other hand, actually says something:

"Don't you think you're being a bit dramatic Baekhyun?"

Baekhyun admits that he doesn't take that comment well.

"You shouldn't even be talking! Your boyfriend literally lives with you. As if you know how it feels! You get to sleep with Minseok by your side and I—I can't even—" His voice cracks and buries his face in his hands. Jongdae quickly pulls him into a firm embrace.

"Oh Baek. I'm sorry," he murmurs. "I didn't think. I can't _imagine_  how hard it must be for you. You're right. I _am_ lucky."

Baekhyun just sobs harder.

Jongdae is undeterred. "You're doing so well. Yixing would want you to stay strong for him. He'd be proud of you."

After he's done crying he lies with his head pillowed in Jongdae's lap and is lulled to sleep by the feel of the other man's fingers threading through his hair. The last thing he remembers is whispering in a hoarse voice, "But he's not even my boyfriend. He's not my _anything_."

Jongdae's hand pauses for a second before he resumes stroking Baekhyun's hair. "I know for a fact that Yixing would highly disagree with you on that statement. I can't pretend to know what he is to you but I _do_ know what _you_ are to _him_. You're his light. His rock. His home. He wouldn't be where he is without you. He loves you Baekhyun."

 

-

 

When he's feeling the weight of Yixing's absence too sharply, he'll occasionally crawl into bed with Sehun or Minseok or even Kyungsoo. They all make him feel safe and loved and _grounded_ in the darkest hours of the night when the loneliness just can't seem to leave him alone.

But the weirdest thing is that he doesn't feel the most lonely when he's alone. No. Quite the opposite.

He'll feel the sharp pang in his chest when he's taking a break with his members after practice. He'll be sitting there and it'll hit him— _Yixing should be there with them_. He should be there, learning the latest choreography or memorizing lines for their new song alongside Baekhyun.

He'll be having drinks with the others and everything will come crashing down mid-laugh. Baekhyun’s smile will taper off and he'll look around him at all the familiar, happy faces and think about how Yixing is missing out on the moments he deserves.

Or they'll be on stage, out in front of thousands of fans and the group will leave an extra space for where Yixing should be and everything just _hurts too much_.

In these moments, he'll be forever grateful for his members. They seem to know exactly when things get to be too overwhelming. Chanyeol distracts him by playing video games. Jongin invites him to his workouts. Kyungsoo lets him help with the cooking (despite all his complaints about Baekhyun being an utter nuisance in the kitchen). Sehun takes him to his new favorite bubble tea place.

So he knows, even when the world is ending and there is a complete and utter absence of all hope, he'll always have his bandmates at his back.

But despite all his members' well-meaning efforts, nothing can fully numb the pain of Yixing's absence.

He pretends like everything's perfectly fine when in reality, he's falling apart on the inside.

And the worst part of it all is the fact that sometimes he thinks he doesn't even have a _right_ to be feeling this way. _Everyone_ misses him but they're not falling apart the way Baekhyun is. It's not like he and Yixing are actually a _thing_. It's not like he has some special claim to the other man.

Then he'll realize he _does_. He always did. What they have is different. Meaningful. _Special_. No amount of distance between them can change that.

 

-

 

Not all of it is utterly horrible of course. There are the nights that he and Yixing stay up together until the sun rises. They may be in different countries, but in these moments, in the quiet and dark, Baekhyun feels more connected to him—more _present_ —than he does with people who are actually around him.

He'll fall asleep to the sweet murmur of Yixing's voice as it lulls him through the cell phone clutched at his ear. He'll burrow into his covers and settle down to FaceTime and ramble on about his day in unimaginable detail. And Yixing—always smiles and nods and laughs in all the right places. Knows exactly what to say to comfort him even though he can't be there physically.

In those moments, Baekhyun can almost pretend that Yixing is nearby. Just on his way home to him and not thousands of miles away.

 

-

 

The moment he hears about Yixing's return, Baekhyun freezes for a good minute. He doesn't dare believe what he’s hearing.

He stands there, still as a deer and breathes deeply. Surely, the world can't be playing a cruel joke on him? This is too good to be true.

"Baekhyun?" Junmyeon's voice breaks through his thoughts. "Baekhyun are you okay?"

It's another moment before he recovers. He takes in a shaky breath. Attempts a watery smile. His answer surprises himself:

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."

And then he bursts into tears.

 

-

 

They're not allowed to meet Yixing at the airport. Instead, they have to make do with waiting at the dorms for his arrival.

As Baekhyun sits there, wringing his hands nervously in his lap, he's struck with a sense of déjà vu. He's reminded of the last time they'd welcomed Yixing home so many months ago. This feels so similar, yet wildly different all the same.

Last time, there hadn't been this much at stake between the two of them. There hadn't been so much to _sacrifice_. In the space of the time between then and now, Baekhyun had matured and grown and most importantly—fallen in love.

The door opens. His heart sticks in his throat. He can hear the blood rushing in his ears.

Yixing walks through the door. His eyes fall on Baekhyun, now standing up, eyes wide and flushed.

As if by pre-discussed agreement, the rest of the members who are there step back to give the couple some space alone.

Everything is deathly still for a moment.

The spell breaks.

Baekhyun rushes forward and flings himself at Yixing who stumbles backwards from the force of it and fortunately catches the both of them just in time. His arms come up and wrap tightly around Baekhyun and he buries his face in his hair.

Baekhyun's trying to get the words out. Trying to say what he so badly needs to. His throat's clenched tightly.

Yixing says it first.

"I missed you so much."

Baekhyun bursts out crying. Again.

 

-

 

It's bliss. Dozing off with his face nestled into the crook of the older man’s neck. Waking up every morning and knowing he has Yixing by his side. But Baekhyun has to remind himself that everything's not perfect. They still haven't figured out what _this_ is. Time is still running out.

 

-

 

Baekhyun starts awake in the middle of the night. He senses something is off. He stares at the dark ceiling for a moment, soaking in the surroundings. All is silent. The room is deathly still.

Slowly, he tilts his head to look over at his side and yes—Yixing is still lying there, supposedly asleep, only the silhouette of his slumbering form visible in the dark.

But something doesn't seem quite right. It's quiet. _Too_ quiet. The room isn't filled with the soft, steady breathing of a peacefully sleeping Yixing, as it should be.

"Baekhyun?" Yixing's voice hesitantly breaks through the heavy silence.

So he _is_ awake.

"Baekhyun, are you there?" He asks in an almost trembling voice.

"Yes, hyung. Yes, of course. Where else would I be?"

"It's just… I—I needed to check. I needed to hear—"

Baekhyun moves closer and lightly touches Yixing's shoulder to get him to turn over and face him. After a long moment, the elder obliges. Baekhyun can't see Yixing's expression in the dark.

"It's okay," he says softly. "It's okay hyung. You can always make sure I'm here no matter what time of night. I won't be bothered."

Baekhyun knows that statement doesn't really make much coherent sense but he trusts Yixing to get what he's trying to say.

Yixing let's out a slow exhale.

After another minute of hesitation, Baekhyun asks, "Yixing—did you have a nightmare?"

He can make out Yixing's slow nod in the dark.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shakes his head. Baekhyun lies there quietly for another minute before Yixing finally chokes out, "It’s just—you were _gone_ and—" he doesn't finish his sentence.

Baekhyun reaches and grabs both of Yixing's hands in his own and pulls them close to his own chest. "Well I can tell you that your nightmare was wrong. How? Because I'm _right here_. I'm not a dream. Not a figment of your imagination. _I'm_ here. _Me_. And I can promise you that I'm never going to leave you. Ever,” he proclaims vehemently.

Yixing shakes his head and whispers in a hoarse voice, "You can't say that. Not for sure."

Baekhyun squeezes his hands tighter.

"I can. We may have to be apart from each other sometimes. We might have thousands of miles separating us but I can promise you that I will _always_ come back to you in the end."

And if there's one thing Baekhyun's learned from Yixing, it's how to keep his promises.

 

-

 

Surprisingly, it's Jongin who pulls him aside one day.

"You have to tell him."

Baekhyun opens his mouth to speak, protest—anything—but Jongin interrupts.

"You have to tell him or you'll lose him forever."

"What if I ruin everything by doing that?"

Jongin rolls his eyes. "It's really fucking obvious he likes you. Just tell him. What's the worst he could do?"

"Hate me?" Baekhyun hates how small his voice sounds.

Gripping his shoulders, Jongin looks at him intensely, "He could never hate you and you know that. Now man up and tell him or we'll have to do something drastic."

"We?"

"We. You know—the rest of your members who've had to deal with you two sending longing glances to each other all the time and flirting blatantly enough to make me want to puke."

"Longing glances?"

" _God_. You two are worse than Yeol and Soo. Look at Kyungsoo. He stopped waiting around for Chanyeol to come to him and made the first move. Now they're happily together. Like an old, married couple really. Maybe you should take a page out of his book and actually _do_ something."

Baekhyun bites his lip.

"Look it's obvious he likes you back. Just take that leap. It'll be worth it. I promise."

Everyone seems to be making a lot of promises.

 

-

 

Spending time alone with Yixing isn't the same as it used to be. It was always slightly charged between them but now the tension level's risen to new heights.

It's absolutely unbelievable. Baekhyun will always be catching Yixing studying him out of the corner of his eye. Or he'll tense up for a moment when Baekhyun places a hand on his thigh. And they've _both_ been blushing a ridiculous amount.

Why are they torturing themselves like this?

 

-

 

"Hey Baekhyun, do you have a moment?"

He looks up from his tablet to see Yixing standing in the doorway, wringing his hands nervously. He looks slightly nauseous.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah—" Yixing visibly gulps. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just wondering if you had a minute to spare."

"Yeah. What's up?" Baekhyun asks slowly. He's a little confused but mostly starting to feel like a swarm of butterflies just set up shop in his stomach.

Might Yixing be wanting to talk to him about… well,  _them_? Finally? After all these months of dancing around their feelings?

"Could you—maybe—come up to the roof with me?"

Baekhyun opens his mouth to speak but Yixing rushes to interrupt.

"You don't have to if you don't want to!" he quickly adds.

"No—no it's okay. I'd love to go with you. Let me just put on my shoes."

With a fluttering heart and shaking hands, Baekhyun gets up and follows Yixing.

He'd follow Yixing anywhere really.

 

-

 

They sit at the edge of the roof—side by side—watching the rushing cars beneath them. There's a cool breeze in the air and Baekhyun shivers slightly.

Yixing's hand is resting next to his. Baekhyun can literally _feel_ the centimeter of space between them. He aches to close the distance but he's resolved to not make the first move.

Yixing catches him eyeing their hands and looks at him with an expression so fond it physically makes Baekhyun's heart hurt. Not breaking eye contact, he inches his hand closer to Baekhyun's and twines their fingers closer.

Baekhyun grips his hand tighter.

"I'm fairly certain you know why I got you up here all alone for," Yixing starts.

"To talk?"

"Well—yes. And I'm sure you know what I want to talk about."

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow.

Yixing smiles. "Don't pretend otherwise. I've been pretty obvious these past few months. I'm pretty sure you and everyone else knew even before I did."

"What are y—"

"Wait. Please, Baekhyun. I have to say this first before I lose my nerve. I just—I'm not sure how to go about it." He sighs. "This is too important for me to fuck up. _You're_ too important."

Baekhyun falls silent. (He swears he can hear his heart hammering in his chest.) He can barely breathe.

He can't tear his gaze away from Yixing's, who's biting his lip and furrowing his brow.

The sound of passing cars and faint honking fills the silence between them.

He waits.

"Baekhyun… I—I love you," Yixing finally breathes out in a shaky voice. "I'm _in love_ with you and I have been since forever. I don't want to lose you and—fuck. I just—"

Baekhyun cuts him off. He reaches up and puts his hand on Yixing's shoulder. "You could never lose me."

Yixing exhales shakily. "I didn't want to mess up our friendship. I was scared. Of failing you. Terrified of what might happen if the public finds out."

Baekhyun's hand rises to cup his cheek. He runs his thumb over Yixing's cheekbone. "I was scared too. I _am_ scared. There's so much that could go wrong."

Yixing looks away.

" _But_ —" Baekhyun grasps Yixing's chin and gently turns his face towards him. "But I think it's still worth it. Despite all of the consequences, _I want you_.

He smiles at the way Yixing's eyes widen adorably.

By this point, he feels on top of the world. He's fearless.

He leans in.

And catches Yixing's lips in a kiss.

(To be completely honest, Yixing later insists that he'd leaned in too so technically they're not sure who initiated the kiss.)

After a tense moment, Yixing relaxes and melts into the kiss, drawing a delicious moan out of Baekhyun.

 _This_. This is all he's ever wanted.

Every nerve is on fire. He feels hyperaware of every touch.

Baekhyun thinks he might combust just from the sheer surrealness of it all.

When Yixing reaches up to tangle his fingers in Baekhyun's hair and pull him closer by his waist, Baekhyun thinks he might just faint.

It's not so much the skill with which Yixing kisses him—mind you, he's a perfectly good kisser—but the _passion_. It leaves Baekhyun with no doubt that this is what the other man wants. _He_ is what Yixing's wants.

Any second thoughts that might have been lingering on the matter immediately fade away in the light of his kiss.

Yixing runs his hands up and down Baekhyun's back and sides and holds him as if he can't quite believe that he has Baekhyun right _here_ , in his arms.

Baekhyun thinks if he died right there and then, he'd die happy.

Yixing's lips are just as soft as he'd always imagined. And when he opens his mouth as an invitation for him to explore, Baekhyun decides that his new favorite pastime is kissing Yixing. He could do this forever.

And holy shit, the _sounds_ Yixing makes. The slight gasps and groans that he can't seem to contain—they'll drive Baekhyun over the edge.

Baekhyun isn't exactly being quiet himself. Quite the opposite. He's just as loud in all things sexual as he is in every other aspect of his life.

But— _oh_. The _things_ Yixing can do with his tongue. It's positively sinful.

Somehow, Baekhyun ends up straddling Yixing's lap. He twines his fingers in the elder's impossibly soft hair and completely loses himself in Yixing.

But sooner or later, they have to draw apart—reluctantly—to breathe.

Leaning his forehead against Yixing's, Baekhyun whispers, "Fucking _finally_."

Yixing chuckles softly. "At least we got here in the end."

"I didn't doubt we would."

"You always had faith in us, Baekhyun."

Pressing a soft, chaste kiss on Yixing's lips, Baekhyun whispers, "I had faith in _you_.

Yixing tightens his grip on Baekhyun's waist and lets his forehead fall back against Baekhyun's. "I'm so fucking lucky," he says.

"I'm luckier."

"Shut up. I'm trying to tell you how much I love you and you keep on interrupting."

Chuckling, Baekhyun replies, "You don't have to tell me anything, Yixing. I know." He feels high on euphoria. There can be no better drug than this.

"But I still have to tell you. I _need_ to."

Smiling softly, Baekhyun tucks a wayward strand of dark hair behind Yixing's ear. "Tell me, then."

Taking a deep breath, Yixing asks, "Remember that night we made cookies together?"

Baekhyun chuckles. "How could I forget? I remember you smeared cookie dough all over me."

"You started it!" Yixing says indignantly. "Anyway, you brought me up here to the roof for the first time then. You sat next to me and you just looked so beautiful and… _happy_. You took my breath away."

Baekhyun blushes despite himself.

Yixing continues determinedly. "That night, I realized how in love with you I was. I realized that there's so many things I want to do. We're still young. And I discovered that I want you to be there with me through it all."

Baekhyun opens his mouth to speak but Yixing isn't finished:

"I want you Baekhyun. I _need_ you. What the future holds for us—it may not be easy or painless, but I would have it no other way."

Not having the words to describe how he feels, Baekhyun decides to just show him. He leans forward and kisses him.

This kiss is slower—less rough and desperate than the last one.

It has a different kind of sweetness and passion. It’s both of them conveying unspoken promises and vows to each other.

 _Fuck_. He's allowed to do this now. Baekhyun is allowed to kiss and touch Yixing whenever the fuck he wants. The thought makes him delirious with the possibilities.

They sit there, twined together, high above the sparkling lights of the city.  In this moment, Baekhyun is sure of nothing but what Yixing and him feel for each other. And that's enough for him.

He's young and in love with the beautiful man in his arms and a bright future ahead of him. What more could he ask for?

"Now that I'm your boyfriend, I fully expect you to finally introduce me to your grandmother," Yixing pulls away to whisper cheekily in his ear.

Baekhyun laughs brightly and pulls Yixing in for another kiss.

He's happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I have a slight obsession with Baek's grandma too. 
> 
> I’m also sorry for the corniness that you just read. I’m disgusted with myself at how soft I get because of these two.
> 
> But holy shit, we're done. This is the longest piece of fiction that I've posted online and I really can't believe I've made it this far. This story started out as a self-indulgent, loosely connected series of events in baekxing's lives (to give me a break from other work and give me a place to experiment) but it quickly morphed into something much more. It's not my best work but I feel like I've learned a thing or two while writing it.
> 
> I would never have made it without the love and support of all of you guys. Your kudos and lovely comments gave me the drive to keep going. Thank you so much!
> 
> In particular, I want to thank the wonderful [soobiscuits](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soobiscuits/pseuds/soobiscuits) for always cheering me on. Jen, you're the best sort of friend a gal could ask for. I would've given up on this story long ago, if not for your words of encouragement. I love you so much! <3 (You guys should go check out her work too. She's amazing. A much better writer than me.)
> 
> Thank you all again for just being such supportive readers! You stuck with me even with my super sporadic updates and meh writing. *blows you tons of kisses*
> 
> (Also, what do you guys think of a short, smutty epilogue sort of thing?)
> 
> Come talk to me on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/sumaiyah_fatima). I don't bite!


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